Sweetness in the Small Stuff

blessings

2012-01-26T13:44:00.000-08:00

5 weeks old

2012-01-15T19:24:00.000-08:00

fixing Stella's hair

2012-01-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

baby steps

2012-01-12T14:03:00.000-08:00

You might have been wondering how we're doing.

Jeff is mostly back to work, although he's still got a day or two off in the next few weeks. My first day back as the only adult on the scene (Jeff only worked a half day that time) was really good...and two days later it was really rough. So it's a process. Today I've been on my own with the kids all day long, and it was been great. I'm thankful for every sweet moment, and also for the grace to get through the harder times.

So yeah, it is definitely a process. I'm gradually getting back into cooking, helped by a small arsenal of meals I popped into the freezer before the baby was born. Trying to plan meals that are fairly quick to prepare helps, too. I'm amazed by how much my nesting/stocking up and menu planning have eased this aspect of our transition to a family of seven, truly.

We're still not doing school. But frankly, we'd still be on our first inter-term break at this point anyway - even without having had a baby. I had penciled in a start date as January 23rd, but I was thinking that it might be gentler to try to ease into it next week...just a little. Perhaps one subject a day? We'll see.

The kids have adjusted splendidly to having a new baby in the house. The older boys are incredible helpers, although I try not to place too much "parental" responsibility on them. Owen has been delighted with the news that he'll be sharing a bedroom with Gabe, and has seemed only pleased with the change we've made in rearranging said room. And Elise is the sweetest "little mama" you could imagine. She has even managed to pick up the wee one on her own a few times - always off of the floor and onto her lap, but it always causes my heart to leap into my throat, regardless...

So here we are. Adjusting to a new (sometimes fussy) baby. Juggling life with a toddler and a newborn. Having two in diapers (but oh - did I mention that Elise is kinda-sorta potty training? I must have gone mad. There's nothing like cozily feeding your newborn when you hear a little voice say "Poop!"). But we're finding our way. And in a lot of ways, it feels very comfortable and familiar. I am mostly even keeping up with my chores.

But we'll see how it goes when we resume our schoolwork...!

one month old

2012-01-11T16:35:00.000-08:00

Our newest blessing is one month old today!

Craziness.

overheard

2012-01-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

1) "Are we done learning yet???" (Kyle, age 6)

2) "Sometimes I feel so skinny!" (Ben, age 9)

3) "Elise and I are playing house. The kitty is our baby. She's napping in her bed, right there. I fed her a [plastic] potato chip - she liked it!" (Owen, age 3)

4) "Mom, what color is thunder? Is it...purple?" (Owen)

purse an' boots

2012-01-03T08:55:00.000-08:00

it's all coming back to me now

2012-01-02T14:37:00.000-08:00

Yep, it's all coming back. Dark nighttime feedings. Diaper changes. The itty bitty laundry. Fixing breakfast with one hand (although the free hand works in conjunction with my injured wrist, which complicates things a bit). Cultivating sibling bonds.

Baby's first Christmas. Daddy time. Sweet, snuggly, squishy cuddles. The eau de baby vomit. The most efficient way to hold a burp cloth while burping the baby (cupped, if you want to know). Never laying a baby down on my bed without a large burp cloth under his head...

The babymoon.

Yes, it's all coming back to me now. That sweet little head, the fluffy baby hair after his bath. Belly kisses. The milk comas. The tiny hands and feet. How he needs me.

It's all coming back to me. Did I ever really forget? I don't think so.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ~James 1:17

a family Christmas

2012-01-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and I wish you a wonderfully happy and blessed New Year!

(Sorry this is late, we've been a little busy around here....)

a (few more) odd things...

2011-12-20T08:45:00.000-08:00

~Although I liked the fact that our kids all had even-numbered birthdays (up to Gabe, that is), I think it pleases me even more that the new baby's birthday is exactly a week before Benjamin's...which is exactly a week before Christmas. (We have several other one-week-apart birthdays in our own family and extended family, and I find patterns very satisfying...)

~My daughter made a charming little boy as the Toddler Jesus in our church's Christmas musical.

~I mentioned in THIS POST that Owen had been referring to his new brother Gabriel as "Rachel." That has ceased, but funnily enough, the lady who played Mary the mother of Jesus in our church musical's name is Rachel - and over the past two days, whenever her name comes up, Owen very sternly says, "No, it's Gabriel!" You could not invent this kind of stuff, people. I kid you not.

~Kyle made Benjamin a birthday card, and chose to decorate it using photos he took of me during and just after Gabriel's birth. Oy...

~Jeff and I have apparently given up on sending Christmas cards/letters altogether. So if you're expecting one from us, and it doesn't come, now you know why. There are just so many other things to do. Is that totally lame?

Christmas in Egypt

2011-12-19T14:27:00.000-08:00

Last night was our church's Christmas musical. It was so much fun, and the kids all did great! Kyle nailed his lines, Benjamin was wonderful, and Elise was just about the sweetest Toddler Jesus you ever saw. Here's a photo of my three performers in costume after the program last night - I couldn't resist sharing...

a few odd things

2011-12-16T17:15:00.000-08:00

~Our son Owen, 3 1/2 years old, has been calling the new baby (Gabriel) Rachel. I honestly think he hears himself saying Gabriel, but it comes out as a very clear Rachel. Bizarre.

~Never could I have guessed that I would find a 22-month-old's "yes" so charming.

~Evidently the birth team thinks I'm hilarious. Or maybe that laugh that much at every mama's jokes?

~I may be the only woman in America to feel this way, but I don't really see the allure of Pinterest. I am on it, and I use it occasionally, but I am not as drawn in as others seem to be...

~My (youngest) son's chest circumference was 2 cm bigger than his head. Small wonder he needed that extra effort to push out!

~After bumming around in pajamas and stretchy pants all week, I'm more than a little nervous at the prospect of wearing real clothes this weekend.

~I find it amusing that, in spite of the fact that I have four sons, it is my daughter who will be portraying Jesus as a toddler in our church's Christmas musical.

~Today Ben and Kyle bring home the photos they took during and after Gabe's birth. How terrifying is that?!

~A friend lent me a wrist brace, which I am wearing as much as possible. In related news, I am trying really, really hard not to get any bodily fluids on said wrist brace. Nothing else, either, but particularly not bodily fluids. So far, so good...

the first few days

2011-12-14T07:16:00.000-08:00

The Birth Story of Gabriel William

2011-12-13T14:50:00.000-08:00

Waiting has always been a part of late pregnancy for me. In letting my little ones choose their own birthdates, I have to give up a large measure of control. And so, as we anticipated when the baby might be born into our arms, we wondered and waited...and waited.

On Thursday evening, at 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I had fallen on the driveway in front of my house, and hurt myself. My right wrist was painfully sprained, and I also ended up with an injured right foot and raw, bruised knee. Thankfully, the fall didn't harm my baby at all. However, it did leave me somewhat crippled - even if temporarily. I wasn't able to do very much in the following few days, but I was blessed by a loving outpouring of help and care from my family and church.

Early Sunday morning found me awake with uncomfortable contractions. This had been fairly common during the last few weeks, so although I was weary from the early waking, I resolved to not pay too much attention. I continued to have somewhat regular contractions throughout the morning. "Somewhat regular contractions" had been a pretty frequent occurrence for me during this last month or so - although they generally began in the afternoon or evening. So while morning contractions were a tad unusual, they didn't illicit much notice from me. Happily, my wrist was improving, and my foot was nearly back to normal.

I had a little time to rest after church, and I took advantage of it. During lunch, I began to notice the contractions had a different tinge to them. The dance of practice labor versus early labor had been particularly challenging as I prepared for this, my fifth journey of childbirth. How much to pay attention? How much to time things? And I'd been trying not to get my hopes up day after day.

But these felt different. And even though I had felt distinctions and changes over the past few weeks, something about the contractions on Sunday struck a chord of remembrance for me. They felt way stronger: gripping, even. These definitely got my attention.

After a few hours of this, Jeff and I had a pretty good idea that this was It. Although the contractions varied between 8 and 12 minutes, they were the kind I needed to breathe through. Around 3:00 pm we called my midwife, Katherine. I didn't think there was any reason for her to come yet, but I wanted to give her the news that we thought the day had come at last. Together she and I decided to touch base a little later. We also called Jeff's parents, who live across the city and were planning to come tend to the other kids during the birth. "Don't come yet," we said. "But start getting things in order. We'll call you in an hour or so." After an hour, we called and asked them to head on over. I wanted the kids to be well cared for, so I could have Jeff's full attention and support.

But then things started to slow down. I was still having contractions, but they were spacing out a bit. I decided to go upstairs to my bedroom. (Jeff's parents arrived after I went up there.) I felt like being away from distractions as much as possible, and in my bedroom I paced, trying to keep things going. I also began to pray. "Dear Lord, please help these contractions to keep coming. Please, please let this be the day. Please, may we have our baby safely in our arms tonight...."

I also spoke to my baby. I coaxed him, cajoled him. I told him we were ready for him, and that I hoped he would decide to come that night. I said just about everything I could think of to convince him that it would be a good day to be born.

Another thing I did was speak phrases like "I just want to open up and let my baby out." This idea was inspired by Ina May Gaskin's book Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Other "Ina May ideas" we used, both in this labor and others, are kissing through contractions, words of affirmation, and mental imagery. And they say that what got the baby in, gets the baby out...

I spoke to Katherine again at 5:50. I told her things weren't really speeding up, and I didn't think she needed to come to our home yet. While we were on the phone, I had another contraction. When it was finished, she said "Well, that's definitely a real contraction. You are definitely in labor." We decided I'd check back in about an hour, unless I needed to sooner. I felt so much better when I got off of the phone with her! It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Finally, after trying various labor-spurring tactics, and mere minutes after I got off the phone with Katherine, things began to move faster. What had been 12 to 15 minutes apart, became 4 to 5. Jeff and I danced through a few more contractions, and then I said, "I think we ought to go ahead and ask Katherine to head over..." It had only been 20 or 30 minutes since I had spoken to her, but active labor had definitely begun. Jeff made the phone call, and soon the birth team was on its way. We started filling the big tub in our bathroom, while I breathed in the scent of my lavender candle and listened to the labor songs I'd chosen.

After they arrived, my midwife checked my blood pressure, pulse, and the baby's heartbeat. She found that I was about 5 1/2 cm dilated, and when she asked "So when do you want to get into the tub?" my answer was "As soon as possible!" So that's what I did; I think it was around 7pm.

As always, the tub was a wonderful change. The warm water felt so good, and really did ease the pain of the contractions. As I reclined in the tub, Jeff was with me nearly every moment. I also had some new members of my labor support team: our two oldest sons. Ben and Kyle spent a lot of time by my side while I was in the tub. In my memory, they were rarely there together, but one of them was present most every moment. Kyle stroked my shoulder. Benjamin brushed the hair off my forehead. Once I'm sure I heard my son whispering in harmony with his father, "You're doing so great, just keep relaxing, let the baby come..." It touched me in a way I have never known before.

I felt strangely self-aware during this part of my labor. I tend to be fairly self-aware anyway, I think (in childbirth, that is), but I found myself with thoughts like: I'm not feeling pushy yet, but I think I will be very soon. I feel like I'm almost open all the way... Once again, I used low tones to help me relax and breathe through the labor pains. "Ohhhh.....ahhhhh..."

About nine o'clock, in between contractions, I felt my water break. It was shortly after that (about 9:08 by the records) that I began to push. My first push was a tentative effort, to see if it felt right. Evidently it did, because I kept going.

In all of my children's birth stories, I have mentioned the fact that I hate pushing. It is always scary and intense for me. This birth was no exception, and I felt a little out of control at times. I yelled, I forgot to keep my vocal tones low. I...just...wanted...it...to...be...over. My two younger children were in their beds at this point, but Ben and Kyle were there, and they told me later that they went into the nearby closet to escape the onslaught of noise. I don't blame them. It was intense.

Thankfully, though, the pushing stage didn't last more than 5 minutes - just like my most recent labor. Unlike that time, however, when the baby's head was born, the rest of his body didn't immediately follow. The contraction ended, and I heard my husband say that the head was out. Katherine told him to check whether there was any cord around the baby's neck, and there wasn't. After a bit more discussion, I decided to go ahead and push again, instead of waiting for another labor pain. I gave it my all, and with loud cry, I pushed my child forth completely.

His father caught him in the water and placed him in my arms. Together we discovered that God had seen fit to bless us with another son!

And then, surrounded by people who love him, our new little boy was serenaded with our family's signature lullaby, personalized just for him.

"Gabriel fusses, Gabriel laughs

The angel who watches says

'Hey, look at that!'

There's your faith, the mountains will shake

'Cause God gladly bends just to hear Gabriel when he prays..."

(Written by Rich Mullins, for a girl named Madeline)

It's a boy!

2011-12-12T08:50:00.000-08:00

Gabriel William

Born Sunday, December 11, 2011 at 9:13 pm

8 lb 11 oz

21 7/8 inches

Gabriel had a beautiful waterbirth at home, surrounded by his family. He is beautiful, healthy, and such a sweetheart. We are very blessed, indeed!

I hurt myself.

2011-12-09T07:45:00.000-08:00

Sad but true. Last night on my way to take the kids to musical practice for our church's Christmas program, I missed a step coming off the porch and fell. The good news is that the baby is just fine. It seems that I managed to protect my belly, back, and general torso from the impact - and though I ended up on my side, I'm not sore there at all.

The bad news is that I hurt my wrist and ankle, as well as bloodying both knees pretty good. I was hurting pretty badly last night, and this morning is much the same. But I can walk a bit better today, although I can't do much with my (dominant) wrist. In fact, Jeff had to help me get dressed this morning.

He's been such a prince. Before he had to leave for work, he prepared some breakfast to keep warm for the kids and I. He's going to come home early to fix dinner, since there is no way I can peel and chop potatoes or shred the cheese for the potato soup I was planning for this evening. He insisted on helping me down the stairs before he went, and Ben and Kyle will be my runners when we need something from the second story, as well as my hands with Elise and lunch stuff.

Oh, and speaking of my boys...they have been so, so sweet. When I fell, Ben was first on the scene. He soon assessed the situation and ran back into the house, just as Kyle came zooming up. Kyle eventually helped me turn over and balance enough to stand up (a hands and knees position was not really an option, because my knees were so scraped up and I was on pavement). Benjamin was still inside at this point, and I began to worry that he might be calling 911 or something. So I hobbled inside, and discovered that he'd hauled a stool up to my closet to get bandages for my bloody knees. I heard later that they shook hands when they talked over what had transpired, and their roles in helping me.

We managed to get to musical practice, and after Jeff met us there I was able to drive myself home to rest with ice packs (ankle and wrist) and quiet.

After they arrived back at the house, the boys were so incredibly tender and sweet with me. Ben and Kyle both made me Get Well cards, drawings, and books, and they brought me presents (a canvas bag full of stuffed animals and special blankets. Benjamin pulled back my covers for me, and arranged the body pillow I use just so.

That was last night.

To wrap up this sorry but sweet tale, I shall bring us to the present moment.

This morning finds me at 41 weeks into my pregnancy. The baby is moving plenty, I've had no cramping or spotting. The excitement doesn't seem to have done anything to spur on labor, which is probably a good thing. I doubt I could even pick up a newborn this morning, my wrist hurts so badly. I am incredibly emotional and wondering how well I'll be able to tend to my little girl today...

I am really upset about the crummy timing of all this.

But Jeff has helped so much (he even prepped a few things for lunchtime), and I have my boys to haul their sister around and bring me diapers, etc. And while I was just writing that -- my wonderful father-in-law, after hearing about what happened, has decided not to go fishing today after all, but to come here and help out. My husband comes from quality, folks.

And so, in the midst of pain, tears, and really cruddy timing, I am incredibly blessed, and I know it. Even so...pray for me.

a little perspective

2011-12-07T16:23:00.000-08:00

Just to offer a little perspective for you: in order, my babies have been born 11, 5, 15, and 9 days past their due dates. Today is 5 days past Little Bean's EDD. So really, if I'd had the baby before this point, that's what would've have been surprising.

Yes, the baby is "late." No, I do not enjoy that fact. But we're just now getting into where my span of "days I've birthed" begins.

I suppose it's nice for Kyle that he still holds the record of being my earliest baby... (*wink*)

*Yes, I know, I know, I know I've got birth and babies on the brain. I can't help it. Feel free to skip these posts if they're growing tiresome; I understand.

I am...

2011-12-07T07:09:00.000-08:00

...trying to work up the motivation to do more cleaning.

...really looking forward to sleeping on my back again.

...making an effort to rest up daily - usually in the afternoon. (This doesn't include sleeping - I am a horrible napper! - but still, physical and emotional rest is lovely these days.

...still doing homeschool lessons. But with a lot of flexibility. If I need to take a "mental health day," I will. (We've achieved everything I'd hoped to by the baby's EDD. Whatever we get done after this point will just be icing on the cake: a very good feeling!)

...still taking extra effort to tidy up downstairs before I come up to bed. Besides looking nicer for the birth team and our birth-time help, it's pleasant for me, too when I come down in the mornings.

...wondering when all this Practice Stuff is going to develop into something called It's Time.

...thinking about my baby for most of the day, every day.

...amazed by how much time I have to blog, now that I'm officially done with prenatal exercise!

...doing the "this is the last time I'll do __________ before the baby comes" thing.

...riding the hormonal wave. My poor boys have no idea what to do when their mama get so weepy!

...so very glad I got one more haircut squeezed in before the Time came. (It was amazing how fast my hair grew all through this pregnancy: I spent least half of it feeling something like a shaggy dog!)

...amused by the fact that all my kids' birthdates are even-numbered days, and somehow hoping this baby shares that pattern, too.

...very, very tempted to just hole up and avoid the general public right now...but still trying to go ahead and live my life.

...just biding my time.

belly drawing

2011-12-06T15:19:00.000-08:00

So, Jeff and I talked our new midwife into doing a belly drawing for us. She used a Sharpie, which is somewhat less forgiving than the grease pencils my other midwife used to use...but I think it turned out pretty good.

Which is entirely different than it might look if it's still around after the baby is born, don't you think?! Let us not ponder that idea for long...

a letter

2011-12-04T07:39:00.000-08:00

Dear Baby,

In case you're wondering, it's safe to come out now. Our home is ready for you and our arms long to hold you. Our hearts are ready to receive you.

I know it sometimes sounds loud out here. And I'll be honest with you - it certainly can be. Sometimes it's loud, and sometimes it is cold. But still, I think it's worth it. Mostly (not always), the noises are happy ones. Your siblings know how to have a good time, that's for sure. And we know of many ways to help you stay warm - not the least of which is snuggling. Just sayin'.

I made mayo yesterday. And the granola (that long 3-day process of soaking & drying) is all finished. I've cleaned and shopped and planned and wrapped ...and cleaned some more. I'm not saying everything will be perfect when you do arrive, but it will be good. I bought toilet paper this weekend, and extra tissues. The tissues just seemed like a good idea, what with it being December and all, and a new baby joining the family.

Speaking of December...no pressure, but the sooner you arrive, the farther away your birthday will be from your big brother's own birthday -and from Christmas. Not that there's anything horrible about being close to those two dates, but still. Something to think about...give it some thought, but not too much thought.

Your Daddy and I have had a lot of dates lately. Did you notice? While we were enjoying the Weekend to Remember...while your siblings were at their grandparents' house...and even this past weekend when our church hosted a Parents' Shopping morning. I guess we're cramming a lot of "us time" in now before you arrive. It's been great, really. But with all this eating out, I'm not sure how much more my waistline can handle.

Ha, ha. Ha.

See, your mama even has a sense of humor! Most of the time...

So, I just wanted to let you know that whenever you're ready, we're ready. And of course I don't want you to come before you're ready. Truly. But really, anytime now is fine. We are so very eager to meet you!

See you soon (Lord-willing),

Mama

labels

2011-12-03T16:29:00.000-08:00

Lately, there's been a lot of labeling around here.

Because really, I don't want the birth team to mistake Soap Nuts Liquid for apple juice.

And other similar reasons. People need to know what's what...ya know?

*Incidentally, I just love the fact that my husband can walk into the kitchen, find his spouse photographing a fleet of jars, and never so much as bat an eyelash. Fantastic!

40 weeks

2011-12-02T07:49:00.000-08:00

the baby's Christmas stocking

2011-12-01T14:41:00.000-08:00

Let me say this again: I am not crafty. At all. It's true: I resist crafts like the plague. I am not a craft-lover (not that there's anything wrong with that). It's just not me.

But there is one thing I've done for each one of my babies, usually in the months before they're born. I have made each and every one of them a Christmas stocking.

It started even before I was born. I believe the story goes that my husband's aunt made him a personalized felt stocking, complete with various felt shapes, beading, and his name, as well as the year of his birth. Then when Jeff and I planned to spend our lives together, his mother made one for me. It was decorated in much the same way, and included my name in gold glittering letters.

(our collection of stockings in December 2010)

So as soon as I could get my hands on another plain felt stocking, I started working on one for the new (yet-to-be-born, of course) little one. I have some simple paper templates I drew when I made my first stocking, and I still trace with them before I cut the shapes out of colored pieces of felt. These I paste on with tacky glue.

After everything has dried, it's time for a needle, thread, and beading. I also have some shiny sequins and shimmery snowflakes. I decorate the stocking however my heart desires -giving the snowman features and buttons, the angel a songbook, crown, and face, the reindeer a red nose, and the Christmas tree its ornamentation.

After that, the only thing remaining is adding a name (and with it, a year). So while our baby's stocking hangs by the fireplace with the others, it alone is nameless. But soon (Lord willing)...soon, we shall meet our newest family member, give him or her a name...and then, at long last, I can finish my little one's stocking.

Still, for the time being it waits, patient...patient...

how to make a nursing necklace

2011-11-30T09:49:00.000-08:00

Make no mistake: I am not a crafty woman. In fact, in many ways I avoid crafts like the plague. But here's something really simple that I've done over the years for my little ones. I've re-threaded it a few times as it's worn out, and this is the newest recreation.

When my second child would nurse, he liked to yank on my shirt: specifically the collar of my shirt. It annoyed me to no end, so when I got wind of something called a "nursing necklace," I was game to give it a try. Even if I wasn't crafty.

I had to try a few different types of string/lacing before I found something that worked. I ended up using a hemp thread. It is strong enough, and it will usually stay knotted through lots of yanking.

Materials:

a small collection of large buttons in bright colors

a small collection of pretty beads

a strong string about 24 inches long (I use hemp) - it needs to withstand a lot of pulling!

To Make:

Double knot one end of the string. Choose a bead to begin with; string it, then knot the string again. I find it very helpful to place a knot between every item on the necklace, that way if the string stretches (as my hemp does), the beads and buttons are still reasonably well-distributed.

Here's where you can get creative. I have chosen a pattern of three wooden beads followed by five buttons. However, part of the fun is making the necklace into what you want it to be.

Continue stringing until the necklace is about the length you desire (you will use a fair amount of the string by making all those knots). Then knot the ends together securely and trim any excess.

I've used a nursing necklace with my last three babes, and fully intend to use it with this one as well. Obviously it's not needed with a newborn, but a few months down the road, it will almost certainly be invaluable.

Happy mothering!

a few random things

2011-11-28T15:41:00.000-08:00

I love my red dishes. They make me happy.

It has occurred to me that I neglected to follow up on the washing machine drama. Thankfully, by Wednesday afternoon, all was repaired. I have never in my life been so happy to do laundry! It was a tiny little lesson in not taking things - things like working appliances - for granted. I was all caught up on laundry by the next afternoon, which was a good thing, because...

...the next day Jeff and I took a short vacation to Portland and attended a Weekend to Remember marriage conference. This was our fourth time to go to a Weekend to Remember conference. I love that, even after this many times, we always come at the material from a slightly different place in life. This time in particular, I walked away entirely refreshed and encouraged. I'm so thankful for my husband and his passion for our marriage - as well as wonderful parents-in-law who are willing to watch our four children while we're away.

Thanksgiving was great. Exhausting, but great. I'm glad it's over, but even more glad that I scored seven cups of leftover turkey, as well as a turkey carcass (and all I did was bake two pies). Yes! I can hardly wait to make my first turkey stock.

We put up our Christmas decor last weekend. Our Christmas tree has no ornaments up to two feet off of the floor. As you may recall, we have a toddler and two kittens.

I'm feeling like a watched pot again.

Today Jeff's mom picked up the kids, who'll be staying at Grandma and Grandpa's house until late tomorrow afternoon. My in-laws are so sweet to give me a break during these days and weeks of waiting. The last time they did this, I worked like a madwoman (it was invigorating to feel so productive!) and finished all my Christmas shopping as well as gift wrapping. This time around? I've got my eye on candy-making. Hey, nesting takes all forms...

For better or for worse, I have begun to walk away from our downstairs (in particular, the kitchen) at night with an eye of what it might look like to the birth team if this was The Night. If they walked in at 2 A.M. (and this goes for my in-laws, too), would they see a pile of scrubbed pots drying in the sink? A disheleved toy tasket? So I'm taking a few extra minutes to tidy up the play area, to dry things and put them away, to generally leave the downstairs looking a little nicer before I head up to bed at night. I'm not sure if this is good (tidier!) or bad (expectations raised, I could get jaded quickly). But there we are.

One of our cats has a serious crush on my husband. She is utterly shameless. It's really something to see. Incidentally, she is also obsessed with bleach. I completely get being into Jeff, but why on earth would you want to lick the bleach bottle, let alone chew on the toilet brush?!

Speaking of things in the bathroom, Elise urinated in her little potty this morning! I was so excited and enthusiastic (yes, I know this is terrible, horrible timing, with the baby due any day now and all), but she was very cavalier. It's really no big deal, Mama. Please.

It would seem that I have unofficially given up on exercise, at least for the next while. This is in contrast to Friday (the due date), when I will officially give up on exercise - as well as the exquisite torture of weighing myself.

Kyle auditioned for our church's Christmas musical, and got a speaking part. I'm going to try really hard to not be a stage mama. But he's going to be so good. We've always said he has a flair for drama.

At church yesterday, a friend of mine took one look at me and said "You look ready." To which I replied, "Oh my goodness, I am sooooooo ready."

"...but I'm always late."

2011-11-26T15:13:00.000-08:00

People. I tell you, if I had a quarter for every time I've uttered this phrase in the past month, I would be a very rich woman.

Alright, maybe not a rich woman. But at the very least, I'd have enough to go out and buy myself a new scarf.

I am unspeakably weary of this phrase. Instead of answering questions about the baby's estimated due date literally, I just need to say something like, "We're expecting the baby in mid-December." Because somehow, each and every time I say the words "Well, the due date is December 2nd, but..." (and this latter part is getting more difficult to say as time goes on) "...I'm always late," it somehow makes the waiting all the harder.

Here's the deal (again). I choose to let my babies come in their own time. This is a choice I make because I believe that, generally speaking, it benefits both the mother and the baby. (Yes, I know that there are definite exceptions, and I fully believe that it is a choice each expectant mother has to make for herself. So please, please don't be offended if you're the "let's get this ball rolling" type. I just choose to wait.)

This isn't easy for me. I don't really enjoy being "late" each and every time. With every single labor, it's an exercise in patience. And I'm not the kind that enjoys exercise all that much.

My problem is, I'm too prepared. I nest like a crazy woman in the month or two leading up to the EDD, and then tend to sit and twiddle my thumbs. Granted, there are still a lot of tasks around my house to keep me occupied: spills, laundry, and my ongoing war against crumbs. And then there's dusting. I did that the other day, and found that it forced me to come to terms with just how infrequently I do dust. So yes, I'm sure I can find things with which to occupy myself.

Still, once I'm ready, waiting, eager to meet my new little one, it can be hard to wait.

But that's the way it goes. And so, I suppose that I shall keep having to utter the Dreaded Phrase. I will do my best to enjoy the flexibility I have now with my time. I'll cuddle with my husband in the evenings after the kids are in bed. I'll clean my home. I'll read to my children. I will plan my life as best as I can.

I'll make peanut brittle.

And I'll dream of that moment when the day arrives: when I'm holding my snuggly, sweet-smelling newborn and settling into our babymoon.

But for now, it's still time to wait.

I get by with a little help from my friends

2011-11-14T16:22:00.000-08:00

Our washing machine stopped working last Wednesday.

In case you're paying attention, I have four children. This home houses six individuals, some of them prone to making messes. I use cloth diapers for my toddler, and last but not least, I am in the throes of nesting.

Oh, and also, I don't buy paper towels.

Needless to say, this was not a welcome development - at all.

Fortunately, we were able to have the machine looked at right away.

Unfortunately, it needed a replacement part, which would need to be ordered. The estimate: early this week. Well, it's after 4pm on Monday, and I'm still waiting.

Thankfully, we had a few offers for help. Two loads of laundry were washed at my neighbor's house. I took our diapers, very much overdue for a wash, to a friend's house. I cannot express how thankful I am to have these options, these people willing and ready to open their laundry rooms to us.

As I was gathering up the loads to trek down the street to my neighbor's house, I asked my two oldest boys which items they most desperately needed to be clean.

"Socks," said one.

"Underwear," said the other.

I was mightily relieved to know they've got their priorities straight.

Yet now the soiled piles are growing high again. My head swims at the thought of the mountain of laundry waiting for me when everything is fixed and operating once again. Still, I know it'll be a relief to finally be able to do something about the growing stacks of clothing, floor cloths, and bedding. Not to mention diapers. I'm trying not to think about the diapers, frankly.

I have high hopes for tomorrow, but I guess we'll see. If I need to haul laundry down the street again, I can. But for now I think we're all right, unless our household is struck by a stomach virus.

Or, you know, I go into labor.

how I'm feeling

2011-11-11T15:00:00.000-08:00

Today I am 37 weeks pregnant.

And how I am I feeling, you may ask?

Well, I'm feeling incredibly excited to meet this new little one, but am bearing in mind that considering my history, I may well have another 5 weeks to go. Yes, I'd love to be surprised with an "early" delivery, but I daren't hope for it too much.

I'm achy. Sore. There's no denying it. But in all honesty, I'm feeling only marginally worse than I was, say, 3 weeks ago. So although I tire more easily these days, and my stride resembles a rusty old robot when I rise from my seat, I can't complain. A month ago, I struggled to imagine how I'd last until after my baby's (estimated!) due date. Now, with a month or so to go, I feel that I can.

At any rate, I had a great appointment with my midwife yesterday, and I'm feeling good about preparations for the birth of this little one. The baby and I are both healthy and doing well, and I can't ask for much more than that.

And so, I'm using my waiting time well, for the most part. I've been nesting like mad. Organizing, cleaning, making lists. I'm all done with Christmas preparations - even the wrapping. The baby's Christmas stocking is made (all except adding the name!), and I'm planning to share a little bit more about that in a future post. I even re-threaded my nursing necklace for a few months down the road - and made one for Elise to wear with her "babies," too.

There are a few things left on my list, but all in all I'm feeling very prepared. It's a nice balance at the moment -mostly all ready, but thankful for a little more time to accomplish a few more tasks.

Yes, I'm ready to meet this precious one, but I'm also a big nester. So I'll let this bundle of joy continue to grow beneath my heart, and count my aches and soreness blessings. I'll prepare my home for the holidays, and dream of cuddling with my newborn under the glow of the Christmas lights. I'll do some more cooking and pack a few more things into the freezer for a more needful time. I'll try my best to keep things clean and organized, and when they get dirty and tousled, I'll fix them again.

I am on a roll. So I'll try to be patient as I wait for the right time, the right day. I know my babe needs time to be ready to face the world outside mama's womb, and I'm prepared to give that.

But if, just if, that day comes sooner than expected, I would be nothing less than thrilled...

mama's trauma

2011-11-09T07:20:00.000-08:00

Alright, so it wasn't really trauma. But it felt like a big decision. And I had definite butterflies in my stomach during the days leading up to it.

What could it be, you ask? Why, only my daughter's very first haircut.

My friend Erin came over. She gives great haircuts. I wasn't at all worried about her skill. Only the fact that we'd be losing some of the length we've fought so hard to achieve here.

So we only took a little bit off. Just a trim, to even up the ends. Besides, I'm told that a child's hair will come in more thickly when it's been trimmed.

Elise amused herself by playing with some jewelry I had provided for that purpose, and spraying herself in the face with water. She was a pro!
And here is the end result. We really didn't take much off...and Erin, as always, did a fantastic job.

As for my butterflies, they've calmed down. And happily, a ponytail is still entirely possible. Yay for that!

how sweet is this?!

2011-11-08T13:13:00.000-08:00

(I know, we need to work on word spacing as well as punctuation. But still.)

I think my heart just melted.

my journey to homebirth, part 2

2011-11-04T08:12:00.000-07:00

During this busy season of my life, as I anticipate the birth of my baby in a month (or so), I have decided to recycle this series of post from a few years ago. Whether you have read it before or not...enjoy!

In September of 2002, when I was 7 months into my very first pregnancy, my husband and I made an exhilarating choice. We decided to walk away from my OB, and instead hire a midwife to attend our child's birth. In fact, in that moment we also walked away from hospital birth, standard interventions, and the "norm." We were planning a midwife-attended waterbirth, at a freestanding birth center.

It felt huge. It was huge. People tended to be pretty stunned when we told them. "What about the drugs?" they'd ask. (Answer: no drugs. I didn't even want the option of any drugs.) And "wouldn't the baby drown?" (Answer: no. Babies don't inhale until they get into the air, anyway.)

The change in my prenatal care was astounding. Instead of the short, hurried appointments we'd experienced under an obstetrician's care, my prenatal visits now lasted around 1 1/2 hours each. There was no rush. They offered us ice water or hot tea. There were questions such as "How are you doing, emotionally?" and "How are you eating?" Although I stepped onto the scale at each visit, no comment was ever made about how much weight I gained.

When my estimated due date came and passed, no one mentioned induction. At my 41-week appointment, my midwife brought up the subject of a non-stress test, but that was all.

My labor felt long. It began one evening and ended around 14 hours later. We were up all night, and the baby was born just before noon. I remember feeling so tired during the last part of my labor. Jeff and I drove to his parents' house across town and labored there for most of the night. Their home was considerably closer to the birth center than ours. We decided to wait to go to the birth center until the morning, and when I was checked upon arrival, they found that I was 8 cm dilated. Wonderful! We got into the birthing tub for the rest of the labor. It was hard work, but I did it! My midwife was wonderfully attentive, and my husband was an amazing support. After my baby was born, I wasn't tired at all anymore. I was riding high on a wave of adrenaline. And being at the birth center was wonderful; we received such tender care.

When Jeff and I began talking about the birth of our second child, he brought up the subject of homebirth. I admit, I was shocked. I didn't know anyone who'd chosen homebirth...except my midwife, who'd had her baby a few months after ours. And I had always thought that a strange thing. Why had she not chosen to have her baby at the wonderful waterbirth center?

Yet the more we spoke about Jeff's idea, the more it seemed like the natural next step. Have things set up at home, stay where we were, and have the birth team come to us. We took a while decide for sure, and I still received prenatal care at the waterbirth center. It was very similar to how the last part of my previous pregnancy had been. The difference was, that when it came time for the baby to be born, we didn't leave home.

Birthing at home was wonderful. I still remember that first homebirth as the easiest of my births.

Part of the beauty of homebirth is that the mother is in her most comfortable, familiar place. She doesn't have to fight for her privacy. She has control over who is present during her labor. She has the freedom to move, eat, and drink as she desires. Many of these factors were present during my birth center experience. But this time, I didn't find myself hitting transition inside a car, on the highway, during rush hour.

Priceless.

When it was time for our third birth, Jeff and I chose homebirth again. That, too, was a wonderful experience. I know that the day may come when I will bring forth a child in a hospital setting. We may not be able, financially, to always manage the kind of births we love. Or, conditions may arise which would necessitate more complicated medical care.

But for the time being, I am so pleased to be planning for another birth, at home.

Something that recently struck me was this: recently I heard someone comment on the language women often use when they speak of birthing in a hospital. "They let me move around." "They let me eat." "They let me labor in water until _____." These kinds of statements speak volumes about where the control lies. In that kind of setting, it comes down to having permission, or not. A laboring mother is dependent on the benevolence of the setting where she has chosen to birth.

At home, it's quite a different story. I have control over how I labor. Afterward, I can crawl into my own bed with my baby and my husband and rest.

With a low-risk, healthy pregnancy, under the guidance of a wise midwife, homebirth is a wonderful option. I'm so glad I found my way to it!

my journey to homebirth, part 1

2011-11-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't always been an advocate of natural childbirth.

In fact, my views on birth used to be very much in harmony with the status quo. Use an obstetrician, birth in a hospital, go with the flow. Why not?

When I became pregnant with my first child, I was seeing an OBGYN. And so, seeing no reason to change that, I continued to make my appointments with the same office. I liked the doctor; she was energetic and personable.

Jeff and I signed up for a class which taught the Bradley Method for childbirth. We knew someone who had spoken well of the Bradley Method, and we decided to check it out. As it would turn out, that decision changed everything for us.

The class was taught by a nice woman, about our own age. She had two children, and taught the classes in her home. Her first baby had been born in a hospital: the second in a freestanding waterbirth center. We took in that information, but it wasn't until a few weeks later that we ever really started to entertain the idea of not birthing in a hospital. We learned so much from that class: about how a woman's body functions before, during, and after labor, and about a slew of interventions commonly pushed on birthing mothers.

I was 7 months along. Jeff joined me for my prenatal appointment, as he always did. I remember that it was my birthday. We had come to the doctor's office with a few new questions this time.What did she think of routine fetal monitoring and IV use in labor? What was her position on episiotomies? Was there a time limit for the pushing stage of labor? These are just a few of the questions we brought to the table that day. In retrospect, we may have put her on the defensive just a bit. Two earnest, eager parents-to-be, wanting some answers. We did get answers, but they were not the ones we had hoped to hear.

It was a beautiful autumn day. We walked out of the office building that day with the distinct sense that we would have to argue for what we wanted all through the childbirth process. We would have to be constantly questioning, reminding, being on guard. We stood there under the fall leaves, in the dappled sunshine, and we both knew that this wasn't how we wanted to bring our child into the world.

I believe that it in that moment when Jeff's thoughts turned toward the waterbirth center. I was a bit slower than he was, still thinking of finding another OB. But the more we talked, the more I liked the idea of visiting the birth center. We could at least check it out. Besides, if we were going to fire our OB at 7 months into a pregnancy, we had better examine all of our options.

So we went. The birth center was 45 minutes away from our house, but as we made our way inside the door for the first time, it felt almost like a homecoming. Everything was lovely, comfortable, and relaxed. We were ushered into a room called the "Lavender Room," where we spoke with a midwife named Desiree for more than an hour.

We'd brought our list of questions again. I remember being nervous as they were pulled out, but with each answer we heard, Jeff and I relaxed more and more. No routine episiotomies? No electronic fetal monitoring or standard IV use? I could push as long as I wanted to, as long as everyone was doing well? Really? We were thrilled. And all the while we talked, Desiree had a little smile on her face, as if to say, "Of course."

I've heard it said this way: most obstetricians consider birth to be complicated, until proven otherwise. Midwives consider birth to be a normal, usually healthy process, until proven otherwise. For many doctors, "normal childbirth is a retrospective diagnosis." (fromBabycatcher by Peggy Vincent, pg. 58)

And so, in a way we had come home. Home to the place where our first child would come into the world. Home to the very room where we would spend the first night after his birth. And home to a view of childbirth which would change the way our family grew, forever.

she needs me

2011-11-02T15:48:00.000-07:00

In the middle of the night, I am awakened by a familiar cry. Among the unintelligible sounds, I can hear her calling my name. "Mama....Mama..."

I drag myself out of bed and pad down the hall to her bedroom door. Entering, I find that she is sitting up and waiting for me. In the glow of the nightlight, I see her brown eyes shining. She is no longer crying - she is rapt with attention, focused on me. I snuggle her close to my body, and she wraps her arms around my neck. She is perfectly content in that moment, held securely in arms where she feels safe and loved.

We stay like that, she and I, daughter and mother, she a minute or two more. In the quiet of the sleeping house, it feels as though the world consists of just us two.

I whisper in her ear, give her a last, lingering cuddle, and lay her back in her bed. She blinks back up at me, and I feel sure that, whatever the reason, for those few brief moments...

...she needed me.

Father, may I be found peaceful and content in your arms during my times of need.

35 weeks

2011-10-28T10:26:00.000-07:00

the pumpkin patch!

2011-10-20T15:04:00.000-07:00

Same song, new verse.

I know, you've seen it all before. And even before. And even, before that. But I just can't help myself. And so, in case you're feeling so inclined, here are a few shots from our recent trip to our favorite pumpkin patch - last weekend.

colors

2011-10-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

this just in

2011-10-18T07:35:00.000-07:00

* I discovered a forgotten half-bowl of chocolate ganache which desperately needed to be used up. Happiness!

* My 20-month-old has developed a passionate love of Kombucha. Grape Kombucha, to be precise. She is forever draining her sippy cup and asking for more.

* I recently did some figuring, and determined that if all goes according to plan, we'll be in great shape with our school lessons by the baby's due date. But my babies are never inclined to arrive by their EDDs, and I am planning to continue with homeschooling pretty much right up to the birth. So anything we accomplish after that will be icing on the cake. Sweet!

* Speaking of the baby, I am feeling so ready to meet him or her. And weary of this pregnancy. All of which means that the next 7-9 weeks could seem really, really long. However, we're not ready yet anyway. We need to get a new car seat, and some newborn-sized Pampers (yes, I still cloth diaper, but I prefer to use paper diapers that first week or two), and set up the bassinet...

* I finished all of my Christmas shopping last week. For a woman expecting her baby in mid-December, this is fantastic news. Now to tackle the gift wrapping...

* Those of you who receive packages from us at Christmastime might just be finding them on your doorsteps obscenely early. I make no apologies!

* In July, I felt like making caramel corn. In October, I feel like making peanut clusters. I seem to be precisely one season off lately...

sticks, stones, and the other stuff

2011-10-16T06:43:00.000-07:00

"A cat's a better mother than you."

I have always found these words from Rhett Butler to Scarlett in "Gone With the Wind" rather jarring. They make me cringe. And while I might agree that Scarlett would never have been nominated for the Mother of the Year Award, that was just plain cruel. I mean, I think it's fair to say that most, if not all, mothers have a sort of tape of self-criticism that plays in our minds. We chronicle our faults, our failings, the times we messed up. We know all too well where we have failed to measure up to what we want to be as mothers. We don't need reminding.

Not too long ago, someone told me to my face that I am "unapproachable." Here's the bald truth: I am a shy person. I'm reserved. I'm an introvert. I find it draining to be in groups for large amounts of time. I'm not a natural conversationalist, or a social butterfly. But I try. I try as a believer in Christ, as the wife of an elder, and as a person who cares. I approach people I don't know at church. I often seek out someone sitting alone at gatherings. I've learned a little bit about the give and take of conversation during the past few years, and I think I'm slowly getting better. I am still reserved, and it isn't at all easy for me. But I am trying.

So...those words felt an awful lot like a slap in the face. And they were spoken in front of some people I really respect, so thankyouverymuch for that.

Did you ever see that episode of television's Friends? The one where Ross was trying to decide between Rachel and this other gal, and he made a List? It was a list of pros and cons, the girls' benefits and drawbacks. Rachel ended up coming out on top, but in the course of time she discovered the list, and was deeply hurt by it. She knew all that bad stuff about herself. She didn't need to see it pointed out, examined as a reason whether or not to be with her, especially not by someone who claimed to care.

I know that there are times when words of edification are in order. Spoken lovingly, received with a humble heart, these words can spur us on to be more like Jesus, and help us to grow. But so often (and especially in this modern, computer-driven world) words are spoken carelessly, boldly taking us places where we wouldn't think of going under normal circumstances.

As a mother, more often than I care to admit, the words I speak to my children are critical. They are meant to be edifying, but they end up pointing out incomplete tasks, unkindness to another child, carelessness. And I don't want to leave my children with that tape in their minds. I'm striving to find the balance between encouraging work well-done, work they can take pride in, and the sense that they're not measuring up. And more often than not, I want to point out when they do things well. The times when they are considerate and courteous. Those moments when they remind me of Jesus.

Because let's face it - for the most part, we know our faults. We know the places where we don't meet the standard that's been set before us. We are well aware of the times we fall down and fail to meet the hopes and expectations of those around us.

I want my words to be the kind that encourage positive self-esteem and cultivate a desire to keep on trying.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

remembering our babies

2011-10-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

Today, October 15th, marks the annual Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It's a day to remember the sweet babies who have flown away far, far too soon - whether it be through miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, or the death of an infant.

This subject is one that is, all too often, dealt with in silence. There is a a strange, unspoken taboo against sharing about these losses. This day of remembrance is a way to honor the little ones who never fully shared in our families' lives, as well as to offer support to those who have suffered through the loss of a precious addition to their families.

One of the most beautiful parts about this day is the Wave of Light. At 7pm, wherever you are, you can light a candle. Leave it burning for one hour and it will become part of a continuous wave of light in memory of these sweet babies.

I know we'll be doing that in our house, in honor of our precious Riley Jordan.

this girl...

2011-10-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

This girl...

...has discovered that a basic stool grants her access to a great many things, including the kitchen counter and the bathroom soap dispensers.

...loves to rummage through the flatware.

...steals her brothers' stuff in order to get them to chase her.

...has developed quite the fashion sense. When I buy something new for her that I hope she'll love, I try to play it very, very cool. I'm letting her think this darling new item is her discovery.

...will bring her own book when I'm reading school books to the boys and climb up next to me on the loveseat.

...won't keep pigtails in longer than 60 minutes.

...loves to rummage through her pajama drawer.

...thinks she's at least three years old.

...often carries around an article of clothing - and she's not picky. It could be her brother's dirty sock, pajama pants she pulled from her dresser, a shirt from the basket of clean laundry, or a pair of mama's underwear. But once she has decided she likes something, it's glued to her little hand.

...loves to hold my hand whenever we walk somewhere - even to another room in the house. She absolutely melts me!

...blesses my heart every single day.

family folklore

2011-10-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

Considering how quiet the blog has been lately, I thought I'd reach into the archives of my email to share an "old" story with you. This incident happened on March 13, 2007. Owen and Elise had not been born yet, Benjamin was at preschool, and our little Kyle was about 17 months old.

Though it's a story on him, Kyle loves to hear about this day. And as for me, it taught me a big lesson about preparedness as a mama. Here is the story as I wrote it out that very day, in order to share with friends and family:

....and here's what happened today. Kyle's big thing lately is to go around and close doors. Bathroom doors, bedroom doors, you name it. This morning I learned that he can lock them, too! I went out to our garage (which is attached) to get some shopping bags out of van, leaving the door into the house open. I was in the garage maybe 30 seconds, and in the meantime I heard my 17-month-old close the door. When I got to it and turned the handle, it was locked! It wasn't even one of those push-button ones, it's a flat lock that you turn!

We have a cat door in that doorway, so I was able to see & talk to him. I tried to get him to unlock it, but he just grinned at me. Tried reaching my arm up through the cat door toward the doorknob-- but there was no way I could reach. Then I had the bright idea of having him bring me my purse. He would get up, walk off purposefully, and come back with no purse! I don't even know if he knows what my purse is, but regardless, he would not or could not bring it to me. At this point I'm starting to get a little panicked. My husband works way across the city, we don't have a key hidden anywhere, and I am supposed to go pick up my older son from preschool in about an hour. I have no keys, no phone, no coat. I did have garage door opener in the van, so I finally decided to take it with me, close the garage, and use a neighbor's phone. At that point Kyle was getting upset. Mama, why are you leaving? Why are you closing the garage door when I'm here by myself? He was distraught...it was so hard to leave him like that!

Thankfully I found a neighbor who was home, and let me make few phone calls. Even after the locksmith got there, it was another 20 minutes before they could get either of our doors open. Thankfully Kyle was happy enough at that point. Bewildered, yes, but just glad I was back. I had found a bag of Cheerios the van, so I passed it through the cat door for him to munch on (this was all during lunchtime, but we hadn't eaten yet).

So...I guess from now on I need to take my keys with me when I go bring groceries, etc. in from the van! Or go out to get a soda, or give the cat food, or anything. Ugh. Either that, or keep a key in the van... Hide-a-keys make me nervous, so I don't think we'll do anything like that...

The funny thing in all of this is that right before I got locked out, my darling son had pooped in his diaper! So he spent the better part of an hour sitting on that poop, squishing it flatter than a pancake. Not to mention being really smelly! What a stinker!

Love from a very exhausted
Mindy

a letter to my neighbors

2011-10-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

To my dear neighbors ...

I think you ought to know that we actually do discourage our children from screaming bloody murder in the back yard. But sometimes they forget. And while I try to come as soon as I hear their playful screams, these days during playtime I am often upstairs. And pregnant. Sometimes exercising on the floor. So it may take me a while. But rest assured, when you hear those otherworldly noises coming from our yard, I am waddling downstairs as quickly as my tired old feet can carry me.

Also, we really are going to do more with that back yard. Promise.

Another thing I'd like to point out is that I almost never hear knocks on the door. Between noisy kitchen activities (small appliances, the dishwasher, the faucet running, not to mention my love of listening to music as I work) and the fact that it's impossible to hear a knock on the door from the second story...well, knock at your own risk. I know I'm in the minority, but I really don't mind if you use the doorbell.

Lastly, there's no need to be concerned if you see the light at the back door being turned on and off, on and off, on and off. Please don't concern yourself that someone might be trying to signal an S.O.S. in Morse Code. There's no need, I promise. It's only that my little girl has discovered the versatility of the humble stool, and she is also very fond of light switches. I am merely trying to pick my battles here, especially when there's a toddler involved.

So, that's it. There were just a few things I thought you might need to know. Do with that information as you will...

a new school year

2011-09-21T18:10:00.000-07:00

Today marked the first day of our homeschooling year.

We welcomed the 2011-12 year with our traditional 1st-day-of-school breakfast, including apple cider and homemade donuts.

I need to practice more often than once a year. Still, they were good.

Ben, 3rd grade

Kyle, 1st grade (halfway through)

Owen, goofball extraordinaire...Pre-school

Elise, pre-preschool.

"Circles"

2011-09-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

a Poem by Hafiz

The moon is most happy when it is full
And the sun always looks like a perfectly minted gold coin that was just
Placed in flight
By God's playful kiss
And so many varieties of fruit hang plump and round from
Branches that seem like a sculptor's hands
I see the beautiful curve of a pregnant belly
Shaped by a soul within
And the earth itself and the planets and the spheres
I have gotten a hint
There is something about circles the beloved likes.

you might be in the third trimester if...

2011-09-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

...the mere thought of bathing your toddler makes your back ache.

...a glass of water can give you heartburn.

...you cannot read any of the Chronicles of Narnia books aloud to your boys without getting choked up.

...you are fairly obsessed with birth stories.

...you leave a ladies' brunch, go home, and proceed make yourself half a sandwich.

...you often feel that you'd gladly give your right pinky toe for a glass of orange juice.

...you're excited to see autumn arrive, because summer clothes no longer flatter your figure.

...everything sounds good to eat, but at mealtime you have very little appetite.

...you find yourself physically unable to exit your vehicle in a crowded parking lot....because the door won't open far enough without hitting another car.

...watching "Baby Story" on television makes you sad.

...your children try to sit on your lap, and are disconcerted by how little space is available.

...you think about chocolate...a lot.

...the chronically chaotic state of your children's playroom makes you cry.

...realizing that you forgot to do the one thing your husband asked of you this week makes you cry.

...having your eyeglasses knocked off by a large rubber ball makes you cry.

...you fantasize about sleeping on your back.

...you lay down to fantasize about the coming babymoon, but fall asleep too soon.

...you avoid sitting on the floor if there's even the slimmest chance you might need to stand up again soon.

...you spend a lot of time planning which desserts you'll make next.

...the fact that your midwife is happy with the amount of weight you've gained endears her to you forever.

...tiny baby hiccups are among your very favorite things.

sweetness of motherhood

2011-09-13T08:09:00.000-07:00

Sweetness is a bouquet of flowers from my young son, during a walk in the country on a warm, sunny day.

in my freezer

2011-09-12T07:49:00.000-07:00

I'm still relatively new to the idea of "putting by" food for the winter months. However, this year I've done a bit more than ever before. Now, please keep in mind that three years ago I froze nothing from summer's bounty. We're starting from pretty close to scratch here. And considering that I have a baby coming in December, I could've, should've done a lot more. But here's what I've got....so far.

Jam:
68 oz. strawberry freezer jam
24 oz. raspberry freezer jam
64 oz. marionberry freezer jam

Berries:
3 gallon bags marionberries
2 gallon bags raspberries*
2 gallon bags strawberries
3 gallon bags blackberries*
1 gallon bag blueberries*

Vegetables:
7 gallon bags blanched beans (green & purple)1 1/2 gallon bag green peas
15 oz. roasted tomato sauce

Meat:
3/8 of grass-finished beef
10 pastured local chickens

In other news, not freezer-related, I've done just a few jars of lacto-fermented pickles. These include:

3 jars LF dill pickles
2 jars LF bread & butter pickles.

I'd really like to do more pickles, but I'm frankly running out of jars. We need to work that into the budget for next year.

I'm not (quite) done yet. I have only begun to make roasted tomato sauce, as the tomatoes are really starting to come in just now. I hope to get a lot of that in the freezer - it's delicious, versatile, and oh-so-much less expensive than buying organic pasta/pizza sauce from the grocery store (especially the sugar-free kind). It's such a treat to have that fresh summer taste in the "bleak mid-winter."

As you can see, it's not a ton of food. But I wanted to share what I've done, and also to have the record of it, so that next year I can use this as a sort of benchmark. I love the idea, and I'm getting there, but I still have a lot of growing to do!

at Grandma & Grandpa's

2011-09-10T15:36:00.000-07:00

We just got back from spending a few days with my parents in Idaho. It would be impossible to tell you everything we did and experienced while we were there. Well, perhaps not impossible, but not necessarily interesting for you. In view of that, here are a few highlights...

...a ride with Grandpa on the "mule."

...a ride on Daddy's shoulders.

...walking hand in hand with Grandma.

...discovering a snake. Evidently a pretty scary one.

...my first experience shooting a gun. I didn't do half bad!

the latest

2011-09-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

I'm 27 weeks!

seaside

2011-09-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

this week's CSA basket

2011-08-31T07:23:00.000-07:00

I keep meaning to share about our CSA baskets this summer. Currently, they are absolutely packed, filled to the brim and then some. Here's a photo from this week's basket. Doesn't everything look wonderful?

This week we'll be enjoying green beans, cucumbers, lemon cucumbers, carrots, kale, chard, lettuce, red potatoes, peas, and (ta-da!) tomatoes - though not the ones featured in yesterday's blog post. Those beauties were from my very own garden. But back to the basket: we also received fresh parsley and basil. We'll see how much we can get through before the weekend!

Needless to say, I'm not buying many vegetables from the farmer' market these days. I've got all I can keep up with from our weekly CSA baskets. This summer, we've also been enjoying cabbage, cherries, raspberries, and golden potatoes. It's been so much fun!

To learn more about what a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) is, or to find a program near you, click here.

sprinkler fun?

2011-08-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

We've been enjoying our backyard sprinkler system this summer. And on hot days, we put it to really good use.

Kyle & Owen had a blast.

But Elise didn't want to have anything to do with that water.
He loved it. Really.

It's fun to race against the spinklers. And when the slide gets wet, our yard is transformed into a waterpark. Or so I hear.
But as for my little girl, she'd rather practice her driving skills. After all, you can never learn to parallel park too early...can you?

life is just...

2011-08-29T15:36:00.000-07:00

...a bowl of cherry tomatoes.

our square foot garden(s)

2011-08-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

I know. It's a little late in the summer to be blogging out the garden. But in fact, here in northwestern Oregon, summer has been a little slow in getting started. So while some plants have run their course, others are just revving up.

Regardless, I thought I'd give you a peek at our new square foot gardens. Although the first photo is of a bush which isn't even in the square foot garden....

It's been tremendously fun to have blueberry bushes this year. Alas, they've really slowed down in their berry production during the past week or two. But it was great while it lasted. What a novelty to be able to go out back and return with a bowlful of berries! We used them for snacking, muffins, smoothies, and many batches of blueberry pancakes.

The deal with a square foot garden is that the garden is divided into...well, square feet. In some squares you might plant one seed/start, in others two, or four, or more. It all depends on the plant. This cucumber plant is crowding into the next square, but the space is available now so it doesn't matter anyway.

As I've mentioned before, it's been a very strange summer here. Consequently, my cucumber plants are just getting started. Lots of blossoms, and some tiny cukes are growing. I think there's a solitary pickling cucumber that looks about ready to be picked, but that's it. Likewise, the tomato plants are now sporting tomatoes, but they're almost all green. I picked the first (and only) red tomato yesterday, but so far things are off to a slow start. I sure hope they ripen. My salads are looking awfully green these days. They're desperately in need of some color.

Perhaps the happiest plant in my garden right now is this squash plant. The funny thing is, I planted this seed on a whim after discovering I had an extra square or two. The seeds came from a Burgerville kid's meal, and I really didn't expect much from them. But all the seeds we planted from this source came in beautifully. And even without much planning or TLC from me, this plant is doing splendidly.

And peas. Ah, peas. It's been a good year for peas. These sugar peas have been really fun, and I love that the boys (and their neighbor friends) love to pick them and eat them when they're out playing.

This is just a tiny snapshot (or two) of our gardening experience this year. I'm really pleased with the square foot situation: I've hardly had to do any weeding, they look neat and compact, and next year they'll be ready to go whenever we are. At the moment, Jeff and I are considering whether to plant any early autumn seeds/starts. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject.

So, what do/would you do with your garden this time of year? Especially when warm days are a bit undependable?

learning about real food

2011-08-15T07:04:00.000-07:00

Last summer I mentioned that I'd heard about this great new curriculum on real food. I remember, I was so excited, and could hardly wait to get my hands on it. Well, it ended up being a long wait, but last month it happened. The book is called Real Food Nutrition For Kids, and it's by Kristen Michaelis, who writes the Food Renegade blog.

I had planned to begin using it in the fall (technically we're finishing up a school year this week, and will start the new school year a month later), but for various reasons we decided to start it earlier. And it's been really fun! The boys look forward to the lessons, and there are great activities for them to do - coloring pages, crosswords, word searches, and more.

It's been so exciting to have a guide to teach my kids about why we drink raw milk, eat grass-fed beef, and avoid those fluorescent-colored tubes of "yogurt" in the grocery store.

Besides the "real food" aspect, they're also learning about digestion, nutrients, vitamins and minerals, and so much more. I'm hopeful that this will give them a good foundation, and help them understand why, in our family, we "do things a little diff'rent round these parts."

yellow

2011-08-14T19:54:00.000-07:00

Yellow is

the very best color

for a sundress.

a very short story

2011-08-10T07:02:00.000-07:00

This is where you just might end up

if you absolutely must

put food in your hair

during every single meal on a given day...

Daddy's Hair Salon.

the music of (my) labors

2011-08-09T15:42:00.000-07:00

The day has come to share the music which I choose for childbirth. I've used this collection for all four of my labors, and during the past few years, I listen to it at other times as well. If I'm feeling overwhelmed, I put it on. When I take a bath, I light a lavender candle and turn on my labor CD. It's become a fixture in my life, I guess you'd say.

I should note that these songs are largely written and performed by Rich Mullins. If you know me well, this will come as no surprise to you: he is my favorite artist, hands down. I've been loving his music for twenty years now, and his is one of the few voices on the planet which automatically soothes and comforts me. So there's that. Don't say I didn't warn you.

My Song List:

1) "Peace" by Rich Mullins

2) "The Love of God" by Rich Mullins

3) "Bound To Some Trouble" by Rich Mullins

4) "Nothing Is Beyond You" by Rich Mullins

5) "If I Stand" by Rich Mullins

6) "Wounds of Love" by Rich Mullins

7) "Hold Me Jesus" by Rich Mullins

8) "All the Way My Savior Leads Me" by Rich Mullins

9) "The Breaks" by Rich Mullins

10) "Hard To Get" by Rich Mullins

11) "Step By Step" by Rich Mullins

12) "Eli's Song" by Rich Mullins

13) "Home" by Rich Mullins

14) "Love Song" by Third Day

15) "Thy Mercy" by Caedmon's Call

16) "I Boast No More" by Caedmon's Call

17) "Warrior" by Caedmon's Call

18) "The Love of God (Reprise)" by Rich Mullins

And so, there you have it. For those of you who desperately wanted to know what music I listen to during childbirth (and those of you who didn't), now you know.

You're welcome.

lay it down

2011-08-05T07:24:00.000-07:00

It's morning, and my little one is calling to me.

I hurriedly finish up at the bathroom mirror, and head to greet her for the day. As I open the door, I see her sitting up in her bed: hair tousled, skin flushed, the lone tear on her cheek signaling that I'd taken a little longer to fetch her than she would've liked. Her pink pajamas seem to take on a rosy glow in the morning light. She's been watching for me to open her door, and as I do, I say good morning.

She gets to her knees, and begins to gather things into her arms. Her pink blanket with the flowers. Her water cup. The one or two burp cloths she finds it absolutely necessary to cuddle with at nighttime - do they remind her of our sweet snuggles when she was still nursing? Her arms full, she tries to get to her feet...but her burden is too much for her. A burp cloth falls. As she fumbles to pick it up, the water cup hits the mattress. Soon the blanket is trailing at her feet, causing her to stumble. I wait by the side of her bed, helping as I can...but she prefers to do it herself. Eventually, my little girl gathered in my arms, we head out of her room.

Downstairs, I begin preparing breakfast. She is not pleased to have been put down, but it is necessary for the moment. As she paces the kitchen floor, making her unhappiness known, her arms are overflowing with the contents of her bed: the blanket, the water cup, the burp cloths. She walks over to me and "asks" to be picked up - and as she does so, the armload begins to tumble down again. She attempts to collect her things, but it only brings on another avalanche. She is becoming very frustrated, and plops onto the the floor. Mama won't pick her up, and nothing is staying just where she wants it.

I smile at her, filled with compassion. "Do you think maybe you have too much in your arms?" I ask gently. "Let's put your cup on this chair." My suggestion is met with obvious displeasure: she is not interested in relinquishing anything, thankyouverymuch. She wants her things, and she wants them for a reason, and if her mama would only pick her up -

And I can't help but think that is she would only lay down her burden, if she would only relinquish her load, she would be free to move...free to play...free to stretch her legs and enjoy the newness of the morning. Lay it all down, Little One, and I will try to do the same with my own burdens.

I cast all my cares up on You
I lay all of my burdens,
Down at your feet
Anytime that I don't know what to do,
I will cast all my cares
Upon you

--Kelly Willard

birth songs

2011-08-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

Not long ago, I embarked on a quest of sorts. While viewing my daughter's birth video, I noted the song which was playing at the moment when she was born. It was this inspiration which led me to do a little digging; I wanted to find out what was playing for each of my children's births. And so, last night I had a little birth-video fest.

I've shared before that long ago, Jeff and I put together a collection of meaningful, soothing songs to play during labor. I have listened to it through each of my childbirths, and it is unspeakably precious to me. Maybe one day I'll share the entire playlist here on the blog, but for now, I'm going to share each of my children's "birth songs," and a little about them.

Benjamin Wayne, December 18, 2002 ~ "Bound to Come Some Trouble" by Rich Mullins

This song is based on John 16:33. Jesus is speaking to his disciples, and he says "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." It is an encouragement that yes, there will be trouble and hard times in our lives, He who is greater is with us. A beautiful song.

~~~~~~~

Kyle Warren, September 26, 2005 ~ "The Love of God" by Rich Mullins

The opening line of this song says "There's a wideness in God's mercy I cannot find in my own..." It goes on to contrast our own frail human love and the "reckless, raging fury that they call the Love of God." The song is a reminder that even when we fail to live up to the ideal, God's all-encompassing love is strong enough to make up for it.

~~~~~~~

Owen Daniel, March 8, 2008 ~ "Nothing is Beyond You" by Rich Mullins

This is one of my favorite Rich Mullins songs, and there are a lot. It references Psalm 139, verses 1-12. No distance, no darkness, is too much for God. He knows us through and through, every thought. And as the song goes on to say, "I cannot explain how You came to love me, except to say that nothing is beyond you..." So true, all of it.

~~~~~~~

Elise Corrine, February 6, 2010 ~ "Love Song" by Third Day

"Love Song" explores the great lengths Christ went to in order to redeem us. "Just to be with you, I would do anything," the words go. We are unfathomably precious to him, and the proof is there in his sacrifice. This song made it onto my playlist because it spoke to me of the sacrifice a mother is willing to go through in order to birth her child. Labor pales in comparison to what Jesus did, of course. I can only imagine what it was all like for him. Still, the line "I know that you don't realize how much that I gave you, but I promise, I would do it all again" inevitably turns my thoughts toward motherhood.

Because that's how I feel about all of my children. Even in the hard times, I would never want to change the way things are. I would never wish them away, and I won't listen to the voices I hear that discount their importance and value. Each one is a unique, precious gift from God.

Yes, parenting is hard work. As labor is hard work. But in end? So very worth it.

when the mice are away...

2011-08-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

...the cat will clean.

My boys are gone this week: off to have an adventure at the coast with their grandmother. What, you may ask, did I do first after they left? I set to work.

Actually, first I had lunch. A girl must have her priorities, you know.

But after that, I set to work. My first task was to clean the sliding glass door - both sides. It was glorious, glorious to see the glass shining and clear...at least for awhile.

Don't worry, I'm relaxing too. And this morning Elise and I had a girls' adventure which involved the library and some shopping. But still, it's lovely to do some cleaning, and have things stay (fairly) clean for more than a few minutes.

I think I'll do a little mopping today. I just love seeing those floors gleam...

just the two of us

2011-08-01T07:16:00.000-07:00

Recently, Jeff and I took a sort of retreat. That is so say, we left our four children with their Grandma and Grandpa, and left town. But I promise, everyone involved was happy with the arrangement. Really.

These photos were taken at the Grove of the Patriarch s in central Washington state. The trees were incredibly old, and incredibly beautiful. We were blessed with a beautiful morning to explore the area.

Mostly, though, we relaxed. We took in a local play, enjoyed some games, and devoured the freshly-baked cookies served us each afternoon at the wonderful bed and breakfast where we stayed.

My husband and I talked. We thoroughly enjoyed our time together - the quiet meals with no interruptions, the chance to wake up at the time of our own choosing.

We dreamed about our baby, wondering who s/he is, and what our life as a family of five will look like.

I think the best description of our time away would be to say that we savored it. It was fun. It was rejuvenating. It was refreshing. And at the end, we were ready to be back at home with our brood.

I am so thankful we had this chance to do something like this, just the two of us. And I'll look forward to the day when we can do it again.

20 weeks (two weeks ago)

2011-07-31T16:01:00.000-07:00

On July 15th, more than two weeks ago, Little Bean and I hit 20 weeks. That same afternoon, my 20-week ultrasound was scheduled. Jeff got to come with me, and we enjoyed a good, long peek at out little one. So, so cute!

That day was certainly an improvement to our last experience.

We are smitten, to say the least. We can hardly wait to meet this wee little person!

getting ahead of the gardens

2011-07-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

(photo from mid-June)

It's so strange. Really strange, considering how I've been longing for summertime during the past few months. But lately, I've found myself looking expectantly toward autumn.

The truly bizarre thing is that we've had hardly any real summer weather where I live. It didn't really get warm and sunny until the first few days of July, and even those days have been rather few and far between. (And I know this won't endear me to those suffering from triple-digit temperatures in other parts of the country!) Largely we've had temperatures around 65 or 70*, and often gray skies, even rain.

But perhaps that's exactly the issue. Maybe all these cool days are bringing to mind the stunning beauty of an Oregon autumn.

Or maybe it's the fact that the clothing stores are transitioning to their fall lines. Or it could be the disenchantment I feel with my growing girth - it's feeling much less charming and much more tubby...and probably on some level I'd feel more comfortable layering on sweaters & corduroys than strolling around in tank tops and sundresses.

And yet... and yet, I still haven't tasted my first summer tomato, or sunk my teeth into a seasonal ear of corn. Last weekend marked our first ripe peaches from the farmers' market, and I am still entirely enthralled with the bounty of summer berries. And I can't resist hoping that the cucumber plants in our garden will produce something worth tasting, one of these days.

There's a lot of good stuff still coming.

So I'm going to relax and relish these days of summer. Flaky weather, retail shops, and weight gain? Forget them. I think I'll take my cues from the calendar and the garden and farmers' market instead.

And when I stumble across my first acorn squash out there, that's when I'll go dig out my sweaters and corduroys...

hello, stranger.

2011-07-26T15:08:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I've someone managed to take an extended blogging break. It was unplanned. And it doesn't necessarily represent any great shift in my life, or emotional struggle, or anything of the sort. First, I was uninspired. Then, I didn't want to mess with taking & uploading photos. Then, I was busy.

The busy part is the biggest issue for me at the moment. Maybe it's the fact that Elise is now down to one post-lunch nap, instead of two naps...? At any rate, it's all I can do most days to manage quiet time, laundry, and possibly an exercise routine. (On the subject of laundry: the good news is, I've finally found a routine which helps me to actually get laundry folded and put away the day I've washed it. The bad new is, this takes up potentially valuable writing time.) That, in addition to the near-constant succession of snacks which I feel obligated to make in order to feed "the masses," ...and, truth be told, pregnant little me. I like my goodies too, you know.

So here's what I can say at the moment: I miss blogging. I'm not exactly sure how I'll manage to do more of it at this point in my life, but I'll do my best. Fair enough?

Cool.

the last days of June

2011-06-28T13:48:00.000-07:00

As June draws to a close, I feel a bit as though I'm in a desert. I am hungry, thirsty, and tired. My supplies are dwindling, and my eyes search the horizon for a sign of nourishment. Surely things will turn around...soon, soon.

The scene inside our chest freezer is bleak. We've eaten the ten chickens I bought from a friend last summer. Our 3/8 of a side of beef is gone - aside from a few organ meats I haven't been able to cope with just yet.

Outside, our garden is struggling. Some plants are doing well, but others long for sun and warmth, as do I. June has been cool and rainy here, and my tomato plants do not appreciate that fact. By and large, the garden is hanging in there, but there's not much that's ready for picking - yet.

I've spent my grocery budget for the month. Every penny. Last week I was scraping to buy produce. I wanted to buy a head of cauliflower, but couldn't quite manage it. I'd spent that money on strawberries, so I had to settle for something less expensive. Our fresh vegetable purchases last week consisted lettuce and a single cucumber. (We also had a stash of carrots.)

Yes, things are bleak. For the last few weeks, meals have been extra frugal, and often meatless, unfortunately. Thankfully, I still have some shredded, cooked chicken in the freezer, which I pull out for this and that. But all in all, the end of June is fairly stark.

Ah...but July is coming. July, when I will purchase a new batch (ten in all) of fresh, pastured chickens. July, when I'll get the call that our new order of grass-fed beef is ready to pick up. July, when the CSA program we're signed up for will begin. July, when summer will likely begin to feel like summer - for more than one or two days a week.

With any luck, July shall bring berries and vegetables, pastured meat, warmer temperatures, and sunshine.

So for now, we're buckling down and getting by. But July...ah, July. In July, we shall eat like kings.

a croc (or two)

2011-06-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

Yes, my daughter now has her very own pair of crocs. Her brothers have them, and she greatly enjoys trying theirs on. So now, she has her own. In pink, lest she become confused as to whose are whose.

a thankless job

2011-06-26T06:16:00.000-07:00

It has been said that motherhood is a "thankless job." In fact, I've been known to say it myself. And in many ways, it clearly is. With the notable exception of Mother's Day, we mothers largely launder clothes (and other assorted items), serve meals, tend scrapes, wipe noses, clean up messes, fix snacks, plan play dates,pack bags, chauffeur, and perform many other tasks for our families, without a single "thank you" from my children.

At least that's the way it often seems in my house. And as a woman whose main love languag e is "words of affirmation," it does bother me at times. It's not that I need to hear "You are fantastic!" Yet, a simple "I appreciate that" would be nice on occasion. I do hear it every blue moon, but by and large I go about my tasks as a mama apparently unappreciated.

But here's the thing: there's so much more to this motherhood thing than the thank yous. There are the impulsive hugs given with chubby little arms. There are the sticky grins, the healthy doctor visits, the emptied plates. There are the steps toward independence, and the times a child wants nothing more than to snuggle on his mama's lap. There are the successes, and the days when you see them learning to cope with their child-sized failures.

And there's the knowledge that God has willingly chosen you to be this child's mother. Even with all your issues, baggage, weaknesses, and vices. There's the knowing that you're doing your best.

And that even when your best not nearly good enough, you have been given all that you need to make it as a godly mother (2 Peter 1:3). His grace is sufficient!

One day, Lord willing, I'll hear the words "Well done," from the only One whose opinion ultimately matters.

the dawn of summer

2011-06-21T17:17:00.000-07:00

Today is the first official day of summer.

And it even feels like it! High of 83* F, sunny, beautiful.

We had to get outside and soak up the rays for the pure joy of it, and the Vitamin D didn't hurt, either.

Summer, we bid you welcome!

my dad

2011-06-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

My dad is steadfast. He was always there for us growing up, even when he was away from home. He was a constant in our lives, and we knew we could count on him.

My dad is a hard worker. He always worked to support our family, even under stressful circumstances. He went back to school, changed careers, and took on more responsibilities.

My dad is funny. He tells jokes, sees the lighter side of things, and occasionally refers to eggs as "cackleberries," and milk as "moo juice."

My dad can talk to people. He is friendly and kind to waitresses. He can carry on a conversation with anyone, from any walk of life. He's interested, and it shows.

My dad is committed. He's been married to my mama for more than three and a half decades now. I've never known him to be anything other than totally committed to his wife. It's obvious that he still digs her!

My dad took us to church. He pursued a fellowship of believers which would be authentic, and obedient to Jesus Christ. He drove us faithfully, whether we felt like it or not. He taught us what it meant to believe and obey.

I appreciate you, Dad! Thank you for all you've done for your family!

the 14th

2011-06-14T06:25:00.000-07:00

Fourteen years ago I married my best friend. I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone else. I love you, Jeffery!

Owen-isms

2011-06-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

Out of the mouth of my 3-year-old...

1) Me, casually calling from another room: "Hey Owen, what are you up to?"
Owen, crossly: "I not up to anything!"

2) Me: "Owen, are you ready to clear your place?"
Owen: "Yes."
(Five minutes later)
Me: "Owen I notice that you're not clearing your place."
Owen, standing up indignantly from his seat: "I am! I clearing my place!"
(Five minutes later)
Me: "Owen, your place..."
Owen, standing up again: "I am!"
(He stomps noisily while clearing his place.)
Me: "If you say so..."

3) To his brothers: "I trying to talk! You interrupting me!"

4) Also to his brothers, at random times whether he's being spoken to or not: "HEY! Don't say that to me!"

5) Pointing to anything purple: "This is pink!"

nourishing summer snacks

2011-06-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

I've had a lot of kids in my house lately. Besides my own brood, we have three neighbor girls who are frequently around at afternoon snack-time.

And frankly, I don't buy a lot of pre-made snacks. The stuff do I like costs a bit extra, so it's pretty rare that I buy it. So I'm attempting to keep a full supply of snacks around. With three extra children, though, they go pretty quickly. For example, my awesome new popsicle mold holds six frozen treats, which disappear in a flash. Thankfully, Elise doesn't eat them yet. But there are none left over for my poor husband after the locusts have devoured their sweet treats.

The thing is, it's important to me to offer good stuff to these kids. So I've been wracking my brain, and I thought I'd share a few things I've come up with.

Nut-Based Power Bars
These delicious morsels have been a favorite in our household for several years now. Grain free and lightly sweetened, topped with a thin layer of chocolate, they're deliciously satisfying. They're definitely a crowd-pleaser.

Buttery Homemade Crackers
Homemade crackers that are simple and popular with folks of all ages, these crackers go great with cheese, peanut butter, or alone. The only downside is the time they take to roll out, cut, etc....paired with the fact that they're gobbled up so quickly when served to a horde of hungry kids. But definitely something I feel good about serving!

Soaked, Whole Grain Muffins
I use the recipe from The Maker's Diet by Jordan Rubin. These muffins are simple, extremely moist, and satisfying. So far the favorite has been blueberry flavor, though the cinnamon raisin variety is good, too. I love that the recipe calls for soaking the flour, so as to neutralize the phytatic acid found in whole grains.

And last but not least, a quintessential summer treat!

Berry Popsicles

1 c. frozen berries
1 banana
1 c. whole milk yogurt
1/2. raw local honey

Blend together thoroughly (I use my blender), pour into popsicle molds, and freeze. Enjoy!

14 weeks

2011-06-07T16:58:00.000-07:00

chitchat

2011-06-05T11:55:00.000-07:00

I know. I've been quiet lately. Evidently I haven't had much to say. I am working on another post for another day, but it's nowhere near ready to roll just yet. So for now, I thought I'd check in and tell you a few inconsequential things about what's going on in our household.

~The kittens are naughty. They climb on the counters, chew papers, wrestle with the children's stuffed animals, and eat food left out on the table. I know. We're working on it. On the upside, they've stopped peeing on the stairs.

~Elise is now an expert walker. Although she does still use her knees at times (mostly outside in the back yard), she is now on her feet a good 95% of the time she's moving. I can't get enough of watching her, though. "Look she's walking! So cute! Yes, I know she's been doing it for months, but...she's so cute!"

~We put in our garden! Jeff and I decided to try the Square Foot Gardening method, and he built and put together our frames over the long weekend. I got my garden starts from Azure Standard a few days later, and now we have tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, melons, and so much more. I so hope to have a successful garden this year! I will be reporting back about all that, you can be sure.

~I am now in the 2nd trimester. As of two days ago, I am a third (roughly speaking!) of the way through my pregnancy. It feels good! And so do I, for the most part. What little nausea I had has dissipated, along with a few other early pregnancy complaints. My energy levels are slowly returning, and I am thankful for it. Surpirisingly, I was not expecting to feel so fat, so soon, however. Still, I'm just trying to swallow my pride and concentrate on the miracle within.

~We're still doing school. Yep. And we'll continue until August or so, when we break for a month or so. However, I'm feeling the push to get as much done as possible before the baby comes, so we'll see how it all pans out. Thankfully, we're almost always finished by lunchtime (I know this won't always be the case but we're loving it for now!), which leaves the afternoon for outside time. Which is terrific, because--

~We often have three extra girls. Or sometimes two, depending. My boys are thick as thieves with the three neighbor girls in the next two houses down from us. To add to their glee, there are no fences in between the yards (yet), so the kids run back and forth, playing baseball here, watching a video there, and garnering snacks wherever and however they can. I've even heard whispers of matrimonial plans afoot (thank goodness the oldest child is my 8-year-old!), of all things. Things could be interesting in ten years' time...

Look how much chitchat I rolled out in a matter of minutes! I should stop by and blog more often! I just might have to do that...

the potential for joy and sorrow (reposted)

2011-05-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

In light of my recent news, I find it an appropriate time to re-post this entry. Today is a significant milestone for me: 11 weeks, 3 days along in my pregnancy - as far as I "made it" with Riley. Yet, the Lord is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He is faithful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In January of 2007, I lost a baby.

I'm not going to say I had a miscarriage, or refer to my little one as a fetus. These are facts, but they don't really convey what happened to me. What happened was, I lost a baby.

And it was hard. In fact, it was the hardest thing I'd ever been through. I grieved for my child, for the vanished dreams I'd entertained. For the chance to know...hold..mother my little one. It was a sudden and shocking loss, a betrayal of sorts. I was betrayed by my body. Also, I had to figure out where God fit into all of it.

The conclusion I arrived at was this: God loves my baby even more than I do. This kind of tragedy happens because there is sin in the world, not because God decided to punish me or my baby. I believe that God saw each tear that was cried for my little one, and that he mourned with me, even as he welcomed my child into heaven.

God doesn't always protect us from loss. In fact, it seems that all too often, He doesn't.

I know that this is hard to think about, but it's something that I've had to come to terms with, following my loss, and then during my pregnancy with Owen. And now here it comes again.

I struggled a lot with anxiety during my pregnancy with Owen. The first trimester was excruciating - not so much because I was feeling sick, but because I was haunted by the memory of my previous loss...and the potential that it might happen again. My pregnancy gave me no physical reason for concern - but neither had the one that ended so sadly. I had an especially hard time as I approached the 11 week mark, for that was when my body rejected the baby I'd imagined was still healthy...still present with me.

Those dark, quiet days - before it's possible to hear the baby's heartbeat, before I could feel the little one move - were so hard for me. I made Philippians 4:6-7 my personal verses, and posted them all over my home. I repeated them to myself in the shower, as I drove my car, as I prepared meals, and scrubbed sinks. I tried so hard to shed the anxiety, but it was difficult.

The reason it was so hard was this simple fact: I could have to say goodbye again.

There are no guarantees save one: God is faithful. He keeps his promises.

If he says that he "knit me together in my mother's womb," He did. (Psalm 139:13)
If he says that "all the days ordained for me were written in [his] book," they are. (Psalm 139:16)
If he says that his love endures forever, it does. (Psalm 100:5)
If he says that he is with me, and mighty to save, he is. (Zephaniah 3:17)
If he says that I should not be anxious, I should strive to shed anxiety. (Phil. 4:6-7)
If he says that there is nothing in all of creation which can separate me from his love, there isn't. (Romans 8:38-39)
If he says that he is with me, even in the valley of the shadow of death, he is. (Psalm 23:4)

I am not promised healthy pregnancies. I am not promised that I'll be blessed to see each my children become adults, or that I will grow old with my husband by my side. I am not promised a life without disease, sorrow, or loss. I hope and pray for all of this, of course I do. But I cannot be sure of these things.

What I am sure of, is God's goodness, his love - and that he will be with me, whatever life may bring.

I suppose, to some, this post may seem a bit bleak, as though I'm almost expecting tragedy to strike my life again. The truth is, I'm not. I'm rejoicing in this baby, and I'm making plans for him or her to join our family next year. I am expectant.

Regardless of what the next months bring, I have reason to hope...because my hope doesn't rest on any false promises of a life that is free of pain, but on the assurance that the Lord is my rock, my salvation, and my refuge. (Psalm 18:2)

¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. ~Romans 5:1-5 (emphasis added)

who are you?

2011-05-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

After dinnertime one evening, Kyle approached me with a question.

"Mom, does God like, not like, or really not like it when I put healthy food in the garbage?"

"Uh...why do you ask?" I responded, rather surprised.

"I just put my peas in the garbage," he answered.

"Well, honey, I don't really know how God feels about it. I don't think the Bible speaks to that. I know that it makes me sad when good food goes in the trash, but I really don't know how God feels about it."

That was the extent of our exchange, until about ten minutes later. It was then that I found him, anxious, reaching into the garbage can.

"Did you drop a spoon in, or something?"

He looked up at me. "No, I - I..." his voice trailed off, and then he suddenly burst into tears. "I didn't eat my peas and I think I should have!"

I wasn't surprised any longer; I was shocked. Sure, we encourage the consumption of vegetables in our house. We certainly don't allow dessert or anything along those lines, without finishing one's dinner. But this? This was definitely new.

He was standing in front of me, sobbing. I hugged him, questioning, "Where is this coming from?" He didn't answer.

I told him we had some peas left - in the serving bowl. Would he like me to serve him some? He nodded, his eyes full of tears. So I got him a little dish of peas, and he ended up eating his vegetables, after all.

I have no inspired moral to the story. I have no idea where this came from. All I know is this: it was bizarre.

Peas: generally healthy for your body, but as far as I know, not a moral issue. There's quite enough drama in life, people. Let's leave the vegetables out of it.

news

2011-05-13T07:19:00.000-07:00

Elise and I have something to show you.

Did you see it? If not, keep watching...

Me at 10 weeks, 3 days

Little Bean at 9 weeks, 1 day

We're pleased and excited to announce that our family is expecting a new addition in December! I am 11 weeks along, today. Thank you for sharing our joy!

just a few tidbits

2011-05-09T11:45:00.000-07:00

~ Owen is now completely toilet trained! And there was much rejoicing. Especially from his mama.

~ I had a great Mother's Day, except that Ben developed a fever in the late afternoon. But Jeff was here, and he and the kids made it a really special day for me. I am richly blessed!

~ We went out for lunch on Mother's Day, and I nearly ate my body weight in onion rings. Just sayin'.

~ Although I called my mom on Mother's Day, I neglected to call her on her birthday (the day after Mother's Day). I officially stink.

~ I never get tired of watching my toddler-girl toddle.

~ Kyle has been super-sweet with me lately.

~ Elise is now weaned, a fact which alternately makes me wildly happy, and quite bereft. We had such a lovely time together...

~ Elise is now completely weaned, a fact which alternately makes me wildly happy, and feeling quite bereft. We had such a lovely time together...

~ Jeff and the boys planted four blueberry bushes yesterday. They are going to be such a blessing for our family! I can't wait.

~ Owen? Is a crack-up. He makes me laugh every single day.

~ Ben is a huuuuuuuge help to me with the little ones. What a gift!

~ I could truly cuddle with my little girl all day long. She's so nice to snuggle!

~ I made awesome chocolate ice cream this afternoon. (1/3 c. cocoa to 3 c. cream is a great ratio!) Truly great stuff. But next time, I must remember to add peanut butter as well. Because chocolate peanut butter ice cream? Rocks my socks off.

That's all.

Elise walking!

2011-05-09T07:09:00.000-07:00

Alright, this video was taken a couple of weeks ago, but I couldn't seem to get it loaded. But now, for your viewing pleasure...

Elise, on her own two feet!

my mama

2011-05-08T05:09:00.000-07:00

(photo courtesy of my sister-in-law, Trish)

My mama is a sweet lady. Her smile is inclusive and warm. She is kind and funny, sensitive and personable. I love being with my mama.

My mama worked. She is a hard worker, diligent and thorough. Even though she doesn't need to, she often "takes her work home with her" in the sense that she thinks about it after hours. My mama is dependable.

My mama can cook. In my childhood memories, she made casseroles, country cheese potatoes, and cookies (just to name a few). Every year, we made Christmas cookies - often with frosting, sometimes with sprinkles. She made whoopie pies and peanut brittle, Yum-Yums and brownies. Finger-licking delicious.

My mama taught me about Jesus. She took me to church from the time I was very young. She taught me to keep "quiet time" quiet. She told me that being a follower of Jesus doesn't depend on how you feel; it is based on commitment and knowing what's true. Come to think about it, she told me that about marriage, too.

My mama is still married to my dad, after 36 years. She listens to him, respects him. She has been an example of commitment in marriage. I am blessed that my parents are still into each other.

My mama is a devoted mother to my brother and myself, yet she also gives us our space. She shows her love for her children (and grandchildren) by a thousand thoughtful acts. Her gentle words and sweet spirit are a blessing to all who know her.

I love you, Mama. Thank you so much for giving me life. Happy Mother's Day!

Quotes from Kyle

2011-05-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

1) Kyle, at the dinner table: "Mom, who are you pretending to be? Are you pretending to be Queen Amidala?"

Me: "Why...yes. I am pretending to be Queen Amidala. How did you guess?"

Kyle: "It was your hair."

2) Kyle, running into the room where I am sitting, " Mom, I did it! I made the science experiment work! I am a genius!"

3) Kyle, in the public restroom with one of those green, water-saving toilets "Mom, do I flush it up, or down? I peed and pooped..."

4) Kyle: "Mom, I think I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be an Egyp- ... an Egypto-.."

Me: "An Egyptologist?"

Kyle: "Yes! An Egyptologist."

5) Kyle: "I hope I don't fall into a snake pit when I'm an Egyptologist...."

A book review: "40 Weeks"

2011-05-03T07:26:00.000-07:00

Recently I had a chance to read an astounding new novel. "40 Weeks" was written by Paige Beselt, who happens to be a friend of mine. But I'm not writing this review simply because of that fact; I really want to tell you about this book.

"40 Weeks" tells the story of Anna, a young wife who has recently lost her first baby in a miscarriage. As she copes with this loss, she turns to her journal. Through this process, her thoughts disentangle themselves onto the page, and the heart of this childless mother is revealed.

Written out of her own experiences of loss (this author has seven children in her home, and two in heaven), the words ring with honesty. I found myself relating to so much in this slim volume.

Woven throughout this story is a theme: life has value. We see how fragile and fleeting it can be, yet how unspeakably precious. This book also challenges the reader to consider other aspects of this issue - age, health, mental ability. What is important? Who is valuable? Written in a wry, loving tone, this is an honest look at a subject that is vitally important - one which needs to be examined again and again.

"40 Weeks" explores life in its fullness, though Anna's tiny, precious baby is gone too soon. It teaches the truth of 1 Corinthians 1:27 ; that God can and does use those who are tiny, or weak, those with no voice of their own. He does this through his work in our hearts, and through writers like Paige Beselt, who passionately and tirelessly speaks on behalf of those who cannot speak for themselves.

This story moved me to tears - and laughter - over and over again. It is a beautiful and heartrending look at the things that really matter.

If you'd like to order yourself a copy of this important book, click HERE. Or check it out through Amazon. It's very affordable, and I feel confident in saying that you won't regret it.

an anniversary

2011-05-02T17:06:00.000-07:00

It's our Promiversary. Nineteen years. Amazing.

togetherness

2011-04-29T09:14:00.000-07:00

We just finished hosting a family gathering for a week. My parents were there, as well as my brother, sister-in-law, and their two children.

(photo courtesy of Trish)

It was six very full days, a wonderful visit. It had been four years since we'd seen my brother and his family, as distance and expense had hindered us. Our kids had never met. All the same, it was an amazing time.

We played games, we went on outings. We watched the kids play. We played with the kids. We worked together. And last but not least, we ate.

(photo courtesy of Trish)

The boys were so sad to see their cousins go. My oldest, in particular, was very downcast for a while. We mustn't let four years pass again. Still, we soaked it up while we could.

Family. Cousins. Togetherness.

raised to new life

2011-04-28T14:55:00.000-07:00

being there

2011-04-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

In my Lenten reading of late, I've been struck powerfully by the scene in Gethsemane. Jesus went there in great need, and he brought his dearest friends with him.

So many times, we don't express the fullness of our need. But Christ told his disciples that he was hurting. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said. "Stay here and keep watch with me.” (Matthew 26:38)

But they didn't. They may have tried, but they couldn't seem to keep themselves awake. When Jesus returned, he found them sleeping. Talk about his friends letting him down. Still, he gave them another chance. Again, they fell asleep. He had asked them to watch and pray, and they fell asleep.

I've always been moved by the loneliness of the scene in the garden. In his song "Hard to Get," Rich Mullins describes it this way: "...when you are barely holding on / and your friends fall asleep / and don't see the blood that's running in your sweat."

There are times when we might show our need to a friend, for all the courage that vulnerability takes...and they fail us. There might be times when we are honest with someone...and they betray us. Still, our own experiences cannot compare to what Christ went through. After all, he knew it all. Their hearts. The future. The path he would walk.

But there are also times when we are the ones who fail. So often, when I know someone is going through a hard time, I think of them. I pray for them. But I seldom reach out. To be honest, I forget. I get caught up in my own little corner of the world: getting my chores done, finishing our school day, being with my children, maybe working in a little exercise. I completely forget until I'm in the shower, or changing a diaper, or up to my elbows in raw meat. "Oh, I was going to call ______." "I wanted to send that person a card!" And all too often, I fail.

But today I'm resolving to do better. If I know about a need, I want to reach out more. I don't want to be the one who leaves a friend feeling all alone. I want to be the one who doesn't just care...I want to be the one who shows it. After all, that's what I would want.

my husband...

2011-04-16T06:58:00.000-07:00

...is celebrating his birthday today.

...is a fun-loving and devoted daddy.

...is the best husband I could have ever hoped for.

...serves.

...is far better at giving the benefit of the doubt than I am.

...plays a mean game of Scrabble.

...loves me, regardless of what size I'm wearing.

...extends grace to me with humbling regularity.

...is the love of my life!

I love you, Babe. I am so honored to be called your wife!

10 things about Monday School

2011-03-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's that time of year again. Today marked the first (full) day of Monday School through our homeschool co-op. In honor of the beginning of the spring term, a few notes.

10 Things About Monday School

1) A little boy looks so much more grown up when entering a preschool classroom, than he did entering a toddler one.

2) My 8-year-old has a new best friend. His surname is the same as the title of a certain "caped crusader." Awesome.

3) Putting my 5-year-old in with the 1st graders is a little freaky, even if his reading ability is astounding.

4) Agreeing to teach two Lego classes is not a gentle way to segue into being an official teacher.

5) If I want my Lego pupils to construct a building, I must take all of the wheels away. Building a vehicle is just too tempting.

6) Teaching in a classroom is hard. Way harder than natural childbirth.

7) If I have to lay down the law with a child, it's nice to know that I have his mother's support.

8) Encouragement in the homeschooling community is vitally important. I value the friendships I've made in this co-op, so much.

9) Boys and girls behave very differently in a classroom setting.

10) I may well teach again for some term in the future. But I think I will have to watch a birth video or two before I decide...

exploring grain-free recipes

2011-03-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

Recently I mentioned that my husband and I are revisiting the Maker's Diet. (Phase 3 begins this coming week!) One of the big things about the first four weeks is that there are no grains allowed. None, not even properly soaked or sprouted ones. No wheat, no rice, no millet, no quinoa. It's a pretty big change from the way we normally eat.

Early on, I was inspired to seek out alternative recipes. I'm thankful to say that I was able to find many grain-free recipes among the community of real food bloggers.

Almond Flour

These crackers are a recipe I originally found for Elise. Grains are super hard on the digestive system of young children, and I am attempting to keep my baby away from grains as much as possible for the next year or so. I do let her have them sometimes (properly prepared), but for the most part I'm steering clear.

At any rate, these Vegan Herb Crackers ended up being an amazingly delicious find. Jeff, Elise,and I love them! They're made with almond flour (which you can make at home for a fraction of what it costs buy the product ready-made). They're so simple to make, too - assuming you have parchment paper handy.

Coconut Flour

Another flour I've been experimenting with is coconut flour. High in protein, high in fiber, and low in carbohydrates, it seemed to make perfect sense. Coconut is extremely nutritious, besides the nutritional benefits to coconut flour, these recipes only call for a small amount. A little of it goes quite a long way. Thus, it's more frugal than it may seem at first.

We've been loving Coconut Flour Pancakes in the morning. Smeared with butter and almond butter, they are delectable! There's no need to plan ahead and soak the flour. And one recipe uses three eggs, so they are nutrient-dense.

Another great recipe is for Coconut Flour Bread. It's delicious as a simple addition to dinner, or toasted to go alongside eggs at breakfast. It is a shallow, dense bread which doesn't lend itself to sandwiches, but it works very nicely with a beautiful pat of butter.

Going Grain-Free

I'm so thankful to have found these recipes as we make our way through the six weeks of the Maker's Diet. Jeff and I even enjoyed sausage pizza last week, thanks to an almond flour crust recipe. I don't intend to stay away from grains indefinitely, but going grain-free for a few weeks has certainly been eye-opening. I've so much enjoyed playing with the recipes, and it's nice to have options of things I can make for my little girl.

So while I don't intend to avoid grains forever, I do plan to continue seeking a variety of nutrient-rich recipes. It's fun, it's healthy, and my waistline appreciates the low-carb lifestyle!

he....

2011-03-26T14:56:00.000-07:00

...loves being three years old.

...rocks a yellow raincoat.

...speaks the most splendid sentences you could imagine.

...regularly tells us that he learned about "elephants" in Sunday school.

...is totally fun-loving.

...will choose raisins for his snack, every time.

...almost never touches a vegetable.

...asks, "Can I go wiff ya, Dad?" pretty much every time his daddy is about to walk out the door.

...loves being outside.

...sleeps like an angel.

...has the most expressive pair of brown eyes I have ever seen.

tiptoeing

2011-03-18T07:55:00.000-07:00

Lady Spring...

...is tiptoeing in.

revisiting the Maker's Diet

2011-03-16T07:18:00.000-07:00

A while back, Jeff and I made a decision.

Though we've continued to follow a traditional diet in our household, we needed a little something. A sort of jump-start. A re-dedication. An exercise in self-restraint. A dietary cleanse, if you will. So we decided, the two of us, to visit the 40-Day regimen that started us down the path. We resolved do revisit The Maker's Diet.

Some of you may remember that The Maker's Diet is a book by Jordan Rubin. It advocates a traditional diet - that is, eating foods that have been traditionally eaten (for hundreds and thousands of years), prepared in a way that is easily digestible by the human body. It sounds simple enough, and in many ways it is. But in today's climate, it can be a bit of a challenge. I had to learn to seek out recipes for soaking grains, sources for raw cheese and grass-fed beef, and so on. The benefits are well worth it, though!

Getting back to the 40-Day regimen: it's a series of approximately three two-week phases. The first two weeks are the most restricted, the second phase is a little more liberal, and so on. The main goals are to regulate blood sugar levels, balance hormones, and concentrate on foods that are the easiest to digest. For example, in phase 1, milk is not allowed at all, and the only cheese allowed are goat milk cheese and sheep milk cheese. This is because the milk from these animals is more readily digested than cow's milk is, even raw cow's milk.

I won't bore you with all the details, but we're in the middle of the process right now. And I must tell you: I feel terrific! It occurred to me the other afternoon that I love how I feel when I'm doing the Maker's Diet's 40 Days.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't want to do it again. I'd grown very comfortable in my habits of eating pancakes (soaked!) with my boys in the morning, consuming regular (naturally sweetened!) desserts, and enjoying all manner of delicious foods. Healthy, homemade, well-prepared foods, generally, but...somehow I'd developed some bad habits. Too many sweets, for one thing. Stress eating, for another.

So I wasn't very excited about restricting myself, but I agreed to go along for the ride. It would be good to exercise some self-discipline, and besides...I still have 5-10 lbs of pregnancy weight that I'd like to lose. My memory of last time includes losing more weight than I ever imagined, quite effortlessly.

And you know what? It hasn't been as hard as I was expecting. Once again, it was the fruit restrictions that chaffed the most (probably a testament to my affection for sugars - even natural ones). And as I am not a big fan of goat milk cheese, I really missed my raw cheddar and jack. There was one bad afternoon when I wanted to eat all kinds of things that were forbidden. But overall, it's been a great experience.

Granted, the weight has not come slipping off the way it did before. Our dietary changes were not as drastic as they were in 2008 - I suppose that's it. But still, the number on the scale is slowly going down. I feel satisfied. I feel in control of myself. I feel even better (healthier, energy-level, vibrant) than I did before...and that's saying something because I've felt good for a long time.

So here's to the Maker's Diet, and the 40 Days. I can only hope that the rest of the process will be as fulfilling as the first few weeks have been.

Be well!

she...

2011-03-15T17:01:00.000-07:00

...is still cruising at 13 months.

...has become quite a little chatterbox. Most of it is babble, but it's endearing nonetheless.

...loves getting toted around by her big brothers.

...feels that her brother's potty is fascinating.

...finds beauty in a piece of bathroom tissue.

...can be something of a diva at the dinner table. (We're working on it!)

...enjoys crawling around with one of her brothers' discarded socks clutched in her tiny hand.

...frequently waves a greeting to faces she sees in picture frames.

...unrolls toilet paper rolls. (I wonder who was doing it first - Elise, or the kittens?)

...is currently cutting her 2nd tooth.

...recently turned her pancake into a telephone.

"Cheese!"

2011-03-14T13:59:00.001-07:00

a reminder (for me, too)

2011-03-11T07:17:00.000-08:00

Excuse This House
(Author Unknown)

Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there,
Ours boasts it quite openly,
The signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows,
Little smudges are on the doors
I should apologize, I guess
For toys strew on the floor.

But I sat down with my child
And we played and laughed and read
And if the doorbell doesn’t shine,
His eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I’m forced to choose
The one job or the other,
I’d like to cook and clean and scrub,
But first I’ll be a mother.

Double-Chocolate Layer Cake

2011-03-10T07:55:00.000-08:00

I've got birthday cake on the brain. And while I shan't show you the poor cut up little monkey from Owen's recent birthday (the photo above is from my birthday last fall), I thought I'd share my go-to recipe when it comes to birthday cakes.

I've tweaked and sampled, and this is the recipe I've come up with. It's as nourishing as I know how to make it, and utterly delicious. We are a chocolate-loving family, and this cake is always a hit!

Double-Chocolate Layer Cake

1 3/4 c. sprouted wheat flour, plus more for dusting
2 c. Sucanat
3/4 c. unsweetened cocoa powder
2 t. baking soda
1 t. aluminum-free baking powder
1/2 t. sea salt
1 c. buttermilk
1/2 c. gentle melted coconut oil
2 large eggs (preferably pastured)
1 t. vanilla
1 c. freshly brewed hot coffee**

Preheat the oven to 350*. Butter two 8-inch cake pans and line with parchment paper; butter paper. Dust the pans with flour, tapping out excess.

Using an electric mixer, combine flour, sucanat, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder, and salt at low speed. In a medium bowl, whisk buttermilk with oil, eggs, and vanilla. Slowly beat into dry ingredients until just incorporated, then slowly beat in hot coffee until fully mixed in.

Pour batter into prepared pans. (It will be quite thin - don't worry, it's supposed to be that way.)

Bake for 35 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. Don't overbake!

For the frosting, I almost always use Basic Chocolate Frosting - Coconut Cream from Wardeh at GNOWFGLINS. I double the recipe in order to have enough frosting for this particular cake. It spreads great and tastes delicious.

Enjoy!

**I recently tried using Teeccino in place of the coffee, and it was very well-received.

copycat

2011-03-09T07:34:00.000-08:00

Benjamin and Kyle came running up to me, flushed with arguing. In one boy's fist was a blue sticky hand.

"It's my sticky hand!"

"No, it's my sticky hand!"

"Mine!"

"No, mine!"

I took a deep breath and turned to my children. "Well, let's see," I said slowly, "I guess what we ought to do is to cut the sticky hand in half. That way, you each can have part of it."

My oldest son immediately grinned at me. "No, he can have it," he said, and turned away.

His younger brother grinned at me as well. "Yeah, cut it in half!"

Now, it was my turn to grin. "It's yours," I said, handing it to my oldest son.

After all, who am I to argue with Solomon?

Sweetness in the Small Stuff

blessings

5 weeks old

fixing Stella's hair

baby steps

one month old

overheard

purse an' boots

it's all coming back to me now

a family Christmas

a (few more) odd things...

Christmas in Egypt

a few odd things

the first few days

The Birth Story of Gabriel William

It's a boy!

I hurt myself.

a little perspective

I am...

belly drawing

a letter

labels

40 weeks

the baby's Christmas stocking

how to make a nursing necklace

a few random things

"...but I'm always late."

I get by with a little help from my friends

how I'm feeling

mama's trauma

how sweet is this?!

my journey to homebirth, part 2

my journey to homebirth, part 1

she needs me

35 weeks

the pumpkin patch!

colors

*this just in*

sticks, stones, and the other stuff

remembering our babies

this girl...

family folklore

a letter to my neighbors

a new school year

"Circles"

you might be in the third trimester if...

sweetness of motherhood

in my freezer

at Grandma & Grandpa's

the latest

seaside

this week's CSA basket

sprinkler fun?

life is just...

our square foot garden(s)

learning about real food

yellow

a very short story

the music of (my) labors

lay it down

birth songs

when the mice are away...

just the two of us

20 weeks (two weeks ago)

getting ahead of the gardens

hello, stranger.

the last days of June

a croc (or two)

a thankless job

the dawn of summer

my dad

the 14th

Owen-isms

nourishing summer snacks

14 weeks

chitchat

the potential for joy and sorrow (reposted)

who *are* you?

news

just a few tidbits

this just in

who are you?